enkygoxo el taronium

Bible thoughts

2011-08-16T02:30:00.000-07:00

One way to look at the Bible reveals, that man was conceived within his ideal circumstances; paradise. Through it, humans receive all the definitions of what would saturate all physical desires. But then this creature would be let lose on earth, a world that could provide all those elements, but simply does not. The urges served in paradise become our motivator, the carrot after which we may chase. And life on earth is viewed as but a punishment.
As for any great sorting concept, conditions are best defined for the proper order and then the sorting may begin. Paradise tries to illustrate those conditions and it is us, who execute the ordering process based on those parameters. But is that really what we are meant to achieve?
Very often in great routines that have complex components, those components require sorting to support the larger agenda. This agenda may have nothing to do with the conditions given to the sorting algorhythm and members of the sorting procedures may never know about the larger context under which they act. Yet, their performance is vital for the grand routine.
View the infinite, godhead, the highest personality or however you may call the structure beyond our physical manifestations, as that grand program, the code that has us as a subroutine, a procedure that is only of a supporting role, but vital nontheless. You will rightfully be able to assume that some instructions should be given to us independently, so that we may perform to the benefit of our purpose based on our internal capacity. Meaning, we should be able what to do without having to be told by others of the same rank, other humans. But at the same time we are of a multitude for the same purpose. And for that purpose we are enabled to communicate. That means we have to listen to each other and connect to each other to properly perform such a "divine" task.
Its complexity is so big, though, that we have many seemingly conflicting tendencies, which have the power to lead us off-course with almost less effort than to actually accomplish the right thing. This may be largely because the right thing does seem to contradict parts of our core instructions, which are to survive and to multiply, while the final desired result may be found in just a single person, a single being at the end of all transformations. This is assuming that we carry within us the purpose of our existence and it is not just something we'd have to accomplish outside of ourselves.
It's fairly amazing to consider the faith that our creator had in his creation to figure out what is needed by itself. One may argue that the bible or any religious text is meant to help out exactly against that need, so that we may not have to figure it out all by ourselves.
The Bhagavad-Gita, for example, tries to explain to you the circumstances and how you may act appropriately according to them.
The Bible tries to tell you how it all came to be and how it developed in detail with all its complexity and then builds up a basis for the instructions that are delivered with it.
Merge the two and you can climb yet a bit higher on reaching some enlightment, yet, non of it will get you there all the way. And all of it will fail, if you do not make the understanding of it a personal effort, using your mind actively.
What you will arrive at is a picture of what is asked of us, but not really what it all really is. Those scriptures try to guide you, enlighten you toward fulfilling your purpose, but not explaining your purpose or, god forbid, the greater context.
The reality is, we do not need to know in order to do the right things, if we can allow ourselves to do so. But because of the great confusion we are experiencing these days, we cannot find our way to actually perform according to "gods will", so to say. If we manage to do so, to do as we're told by the instructions within ourselves, our skills, our true interests and a firm and healthy understanding to collaborate with each other properly and bound by love and appreciation for each other, we will find only joy. But we will destroy the structures of society as we experience them today. And society is lead firmly by forces we don't seem to have an access to.
Will the grand structure, the infinite, the creator recognize that there is a problem brewing in his sorting algorhythm?
Is something actually going wrong or is that just another conflict between what we want to understand and what we have to?
Will there be an intervention, if there truly is a problem that could keep us from resolving that which we are meant to?
Is paradise the setting under which we may discover our true function again and the need for being deprived of paradise is no longer valid?
Can we handle the truth, once we were to get it disclosed?
May we drop our infantile narcissism to resume to make use of our true potential?
Are we able to handle the power that would come with it and put it to good service for the infinite, recognizing that we are vital to it and wouldn't be, if it wasn't for it to begin with?
Will we be able to serve with conscious faith and recognize the gift we experience by being manifested to begin with?
I believe so. I want to believe so. If one of us can feel the liberation of knowing that we're but a vessel in the blood of the infinite and with it we may know no end but countless new experiences and that all of them help us to produce what is asked of us and the reward is beyond anything we could know to ask for, then all of us can, too.
Learn that you are everything, leaning out of the endless flow as a moment of "you", a moment of "me" and that you may merge back without form, but contribute your infinite revelations so that the next "you", the next "me" will emerge again and serve ever so much more successfully the growing fortune of the infinite, or simply experience another realm, another part of what we call life, so that at some point everything is being regarded as we nurture the rise of order, which we are asked to achieve.

Order out of Chaos II

2011-07-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

Observe life and recognize that it exhibits the trait of transformation above all others. It does so by design. But why?

The mere fact that all elements represent a state of order, can allow one to assume that this order had emerged from an unordered state, or a different composition of equal or lesser complexity.
All structures that consist of such elements represent an order at the next higher level. This higher order again emerged from an unordered state of equal or lesser complexity.
Continuing this method, this process, it is not difficult to assume that in our stage this method is still the major paradigm. What ever becomes of that, which may be achieve THROUGH US, will represent a new order. But not the "New World Order". To provide order for the ordering system may well corrupt the process that we are designed for to achieve.
In all likelihood it is our mission to adhere to the guiding mechanisms in our "Spirit". Those are not defined by man, but only experienced. Any definition provided by man, corrupts or confuses sincerity as we no longer are inspired to trust our own judgement for a purpose beyond the self of mankind, but are asked to deny the truth we would know to embrace and instead submit ourselves to imposed necessities, enslaving our physical self and imprison our spiritual self. It is in that spiritual element, our true mind, where we give direction to our physical self, but also where we receive direction from the highest ordering aspiration, so to say.

Whether you believe in god, godhead, infinity, the beyond or fundamental science, the direction and method of existence in all levels can be recognized coarsely as a development of order out of chaos. Through the imperative of transformation one can recognize that stagnation only maintains chaos. Equally it is possible to conclude that we have no right or proper capacity to decide to reduce any components under any arrogant assumption that any one of us would know better than the mechanism provided to all of us. You can't solve a puzzle by destroying any piece of it, really, let a lone 90% of it.
If a castle would build itself, would it destroy almost all the stones that were perfectly cut out for it only to become one single little tower with one window and no gate?

Maybe that's a dumb example, but well... it's all just thoughts.

Meditation - defiance of lower dimensions...

2011-07-21T04:10:00.001-07:00

A brief thought about meditation makes it appear to me, as if it was an attempt to defy the imperative of lower dimensions, which build-up ours. For example, one style of meditation asks a yogi to reverse his breathing, sacrificing one direction of the breath to the opposing one, down to up, up to down. In that he tries to experience and control the automation of his existence, which are apparently dictated by the laws introduced through the lower dimensions. This way he may sacrifice willingly submission to the fundamentals with a conscious alteration in favor of the next higher dimension, showing his awareness of what comes after or above himself.

In some ways the conscious renouncement of activity as it may be expected of him outside of his awareness, signalizes his devotion and his active participation in submission to the higher.

I believe this could well make an excellent call for help, but should be handled with great caution as it was highly presumptuous to claim a useful deed to the higher by defying the lower. It should be made clear, that all meditation of that kind is a selfish matter, even if the outcome may provide improvement to ones activity in awareness of the higher and all that is connected and all that are connected to it.

Just a thought, really.

Doubt and fresh air

2011-07-11T01:46:00.000-07:00

I believe, the most hopeful thinker has both conviction and doubt. After all, doubt is part of what gets us to wonder. To deny the existence of doubt is the same denial one would accuse another of having, when it comes to science or religion. It should never be destructive or limiting, this doubt, but it's no crime to experience it or reason to dwell in confusion. It's a great help to revisit one's ideas or revelations, refine it all, find strength or realize that strength is not stubbornness, but the ability to openly experience the world of our senses as well as the content it offers to inspire our thoughts.
It should always be a sincere experience to understand. As such it should always remind us of the humility it requires to be sincere and that it doesn't elevate us above anyone, who thinks differently, but offers us a distinct awareness towards the sincerity of others or a lack thereof, if that's the case.
I personally qualify the opinion of somebody else by its authenticity. Does this person simply seek comfort in an offered explanation, adhering to suggestions of others as opposed to deducing by himself. This is not an easy task, actually, but I see a hint, when people become particularly aggressive in defending a specific point of view. When they openly- or not- attack another opinion as opposed to offering their own, for example, or even chose to attack the other person with labels or other inappropriate humiliations. And as soon as you speak clearly for either side, religion or science, you enter into our greatest spiritual conflict and confusion.

In my eyes, it's only our lack of understanding that makes a distinction between the original meaning of religion and science. For all the right reasons they have always gone hand in hand. Only when people started to use religion or science to justify aggressive actions, be it territorial or by imposition of their own system of society, both paradigms become questionable and the truth behind them loses relevance in discussions.

I'm firmly convinced that those devices are used against people and against life itself in our world today and probably for the longest time already. The moment we elevated association to a source of power, forming nations and claiming superiority, claiming rights and enforcing submission of their subjects, we've provided reason to deny doubt and denial itself. Because recognizing any of those would endanger the fragile structure of the deceitful empires.

Invite doubt again and take it in as a breeze of fresh air, because it teaches you about all the reasons to recognize humility as a device to connect and respect each other, regardless as to where we come from. We have no means to claim certainty over any of our observations, because we receive it all from our specific place within existence, even if we believe to have penetrated into other layers of it, our deduction itself takes place upon our slither in the spectrum of infinity.

infants of the universe

2011-06-28T23:56:00.000-07:00

I believe that humans are the universe's infants of higher consciousness. We're narcissistic and urging for reason, confused and needy to be given a purpose we may recognize. While we carry god's energy and glimmer sensibly on the strings of infinity, we know rage and passion as a trait from the womb of sentience more than patience, faith and acceptance about our finite function in the creation beyond us.
Initially we were meant to be guided by accepting our divine instructions and controlled by understanding this importance. This control eventually got substituted with money. And money didn't require a divine explanation, slowly but surely detaching from the original intent and eventually depriving us of all connection to the original reasoning. Now money is the baby formula for us infants of higher consciousness, feeding our narcissism and tying us fastly to the material realm in which we only know survival and beg for comfort in ignorance. Little is left of our awareness about the ultimate truth. This truth provides great liberation with only little responsibility in the great scheme of things, but great responsibility amongst ourselves. It may well be that we are vessels to bring forth the proper reconnection to the highest being. It cannot be our individual survival, meaning that only one of us will eventually present the ideal outcome, while all of us are required to help the very process that may lead up to the birth of such a redeemer. It may still be many thousands of generations before the goal is achieved. We may encounter yet more fundamental refinements to our physical composition, much like Noah's children, who's generations we represent. But we have much to proof to be found viable for augmentation rather than replacement. For that we best recognize the corruption of our understanding by the substituted control through money. Trade has brought forth the deception of it as paramount. Dependency on it to maintain our divine obligation to survive in a healthy fashion has become contrived and reformulated a logic we could sense to the point of inaccessibility.
Kings used to rule, truly appointed by god to guide and enforce our endeavors to fulfill our original purpose. It is our diversity and the tremendous complexity of the puzzle we are meant to solve over countless generations, which had required oversight and maintenance of direction.

When did the kings fall? The kings fell to money. This is my observation and my opinion, nothing else. But as such it is my belief, that by the time we resume actively our understanding of this ultimate purpose to have children, nurture and guide them properly so that they may aspire to have children of their own and hand on the best of our understanding so that one day we may produce the ideal link to the infinite. Along the way we would have to learn to accept that it is our privilege to exist, to experience and to apply all the powers that are given to us with clarity. We may find the core of wisdom within ourselves and can hope to encounter a guide that may shorten the time it takes for us to get there. All our ingenuity is requested, all our diligence, endurance and creativity. We shall help each other in the best of ways and support each other to do so, too. The tools we forge should represent the best of our comprehension and abilities. But the path to the goal should never get compromised by pride and all other kinds of fear. No king should want to stand in the way nor any moneys.

And if it was the best we can hope for, let us become children of the universe instead.

Singularity: Another brainstorm point

2011-06-07T02:46:00.001-07:00

This is just a brief thought.

What if the singularity as our "origin" was a misunderstood fact. What if its trait was not the containment of mass, but the potential fundamental component that- by its behavior- creates all that we perceive as mass. Meaning that it's the single, lowest component of the build up of all dimensions to come.

What if this singularity was repeating its state with specifically directed alterations (motion so to say), while each repetition of previous repetitions represented a new dimension and in this manner it would build up a matrix in the first three dimensions. Upon this matrix, subsequent repetitions would produce aspect by aspect the substance, transfer of certain states or momentum and therefore a form of communication. The time that we perceive and the processes that we can measure are only carried on the original matrix and are not subject to the speed in which the singularity itself is moving. We only measure the occurrence and transfer of states from the 4th dimension forward (time on the matrix = space time).

What if we are one of billions of repetitions that will eventually produce a state of a following dimension after ours.

What if the speed of light reflects the amount of time it takes for all previous dimensions (after the 3rd) to produce the shape or state of our dimension. 1.0/~300,000,000,000 seconds to define all states along the length of a centimeter. The energy that we measure can only be transferred through finalized states of previous dimensions. To travel any faster would require to transport information in a lower dimension. Although it would be imaginable to assume that the similarity in any repetition within the previous dimension to ours could suffice to predict with some accuracy where something would be transported to, the consequences could equally be catastrophic. Whereby this all could well be total nonsense, too, of course.

What if the major trait that defines the character of our dimension is the ability to think, decide beyond simple reaction. Every move we make defines the path or development of all previous dimensions. Therefore, everything we do would be defined by decisions in the following dimension. The complexity this process would require must take in account our trait of thinking. Therefore a certain kind of margin must be known, while a certain kind of instruction might be given to us, so that we can successfully arrive at what ever state this upper dimension wants us to be, so to say.

Involuntarily we interfer and interact with all previous dimensional processes. We take them for granted and react to how they manifest within ours. If intelligence itself has been a trait of a previous dimension, even if it was purely reactive, and our dimension allows us to overcome the purely reactive behavior, then imagine the tremendous power and awareness of the next. I shall leave that to theology. :o)

Not Too Ancient Deception - as above, so below?

2011-05-29T12:11:00.000-07:00

"As Above, So Below", whether it's a masonic propagation or that of any other modern puppetiers, it echoed through my head this morning.
Recently I've began to explore the Bhagavad-Gita and stumbled across a beautiful section, which describes a very special tree, the Banyantree. It explains that this tree has its roots grow upwards and the branches downwards. It represents the material world, which is but a reflection, an illusion in the water, so to say. The truth, which grows the right way around, represents the spiritual world, while this should really refer to the aspect of reality which goes beyond our ordinary senses or rather builds the true foundation/origin of the material world.

I somehow assume that claiming the above and the below would end up being the same is an attempt to deceive people into disregarding the true nature of existence and to rely completely on the material manifestion as it were. Thus cutting off our sights to our very own true nature and submit ourselves to the easily manipulating material aspects of individual finality. Trapping people in that very state for as long as possible. Of course, it's just a thought, an interpretation of mine that could be quite wrong. Maybe it's been a careful hint of theirs at the full construct of existence. Or it means that the higher realms (above) design or preview the lower realms (below) , so to say. But looking at all that ended up being associated with such groups in terms of design of society and the propagated mindset I can't help but assume a certain shameless ruthlessness in their very roots to suggest such blinding ideas. Whether that's been a loss of understanding, or the purposeful deceit I come to sense.

Naturally, I'm nowhere near understanding it all, I'm even confused about my very own state as of now, but the moment I've begun to see that there's something more, a fundamental principle that is occluded by contrived urgencies of modern life, hiding access to our true purpose and even individual function, I just had to begin learning more about universal mechanics.
And what I'm finding out right now is, that the logic I have already arrived at is quite well reflected in the most ancient scriptures still available to us now. I went at it in a different way, stumbling through thought processes, which are simply evolving and show great many gaps and most likely a lot of silly mistakes, but so far I can only collect variations and see what's been explored already by others. It's a young journey to me, but I'd conclude that we've been given the proper answers long before we even started to try recording them. And all that we can still find are clumsy attempts to recover this knowledge/understanding.

Anyway, it seems as if only behavioral guidance is left in some detail, while the teachings that would reveal information that should help us to some understanding are all but lost. This guidance, however, is by no means trivial or "just a nice option" for that matter. It actually should make us fulfill what we've been intended for to achieve or to become, really. We are meant to obey a set of instructions that lives within us and religious texts and "laws" are meant to keep us on track, allow us to find those instructions.
It's the "demonic" cheat that cuts us off from truely exploring where we can find the devine instructions within us. It belittles that which is called "spiritual" or transcendental for that matter. To claim that this truely governing aspect of existence(above) is of no meaning, no need to look any further than the material world (below). That's the great deception and it's probably not too ancient at all. My guess would be it's no older than 6000 years.

Primary vs. Secondary

2011-05-18T01:45:00.000-07:00

Our instincts appear to be encouraged to elevate secondary effects above primary motives, up to the point of replacement.
While it appears as if we seek approval for what we're doing, we're being pushed to achieve approval with what we're doing. One example is the idea of receiving money by any means, ideally something we can tolerate as opposed to doing the best we can do and being rewarded with money in return. And money itself is a medium that has- at the very least- developed into a control mechanism that would produce this confusion and certainly maintain it. Even if we are being lead to believe that money could represent the treasure and path towards luxury and great wealth, it really is being tied directly to our survival. Fulfilling both those aspects, money is both bribe and extortion at the same time. Money is meant to be perceived as security and success.
Another aspect, which by itself also represents a form of security, is popularity, public success, generically speaking. The approval itself that would allow or even guarantee survival. While there may be a direct tie to monetary benefits from popularity, even without the money aspect, popularity provides this sense of security and the elevation of once own attractivity.
With these two devices alone, people are being manipulated away from the otherwise necessary sincerity, which could truely empower them. As opposed to investigating the inner self-direction, we are persuaded to search for paths to achieve secondary effects, bypassing or even replacing our primary powers, impulses that we can find at all times and that would help us to define who we truely are and could create a society in which people get to see who everyone else is and respect them, recognizing a truely reliable self-integration.
If you know, who to ask to create proper footwear, you know who to turn to. If you want to cook a proper meal, you know who to ask or whom to learn from. If you break a bone, if you want to laugh, if you want to create, if you need help and if you want to understand... a society filled with sincerely dedicated members has the greatest potential to more than just survive in comfort. We would encounter our true limits only to overcome them, too.
Let's have a look at modern product and advertising politics. Companies don't look for needs that are left unaddressed, they try to create needs for which they could provide a solution. This phenomenon is quite overt, inspiring people to think in the same terms. No longer do they listen to what they truely understand and feel, but instead the externalize the thinking process, trying to examine what they could sneak into other people's lives. Not to improve them, but hoping for those others to believe they could improve their lives with some product. If there's not enough room left for artificial necessities, status and popularity are being targeted. Products are being tailored to represent status and suggest to be shortcut into achieving popularity simply by owning them. Successful ventured are being publicized as an example for the benefits of this kind of thinking, further supporting the departure from sincerity and any sense of self-reliance. Secondary above Primary effect, take the ability away from people to believe in their own thought-processes. Everything becomes a challenge, because people are being shoved into a race for the same achievment. If you want to drive people apart from each other, that's one heck of a brilliant approach. It's another win/win solution for "the agents of chaos",- as I like to call members of this paradigm,- taking away the true power of the people and diverting the remaining power to let them fight each other.
Why?
My answer to it is esotherical enough to make most people just shut down. But what are alternative speculations that would not destroy the common believes about how life works. I've created a model of existence, which offers a possible logic behind it all with an acceptable ambiguity towards the origin of its fundamentals, as far as I'm concerned, of course. But if I were to try to ignore my own reasoning and look for some explanation that doesn't go beyond governments, banks and modern, sanctioned science, I could suggest some arbitrary societal control to ensure certain genuine agendas to deal with potential adversities of environmental limitations and maybe the hopes of some upper class to maintain control of the masses and security for themselves from revolting mobs. While the latter is just a wee bit less nonsensical, the first part is a downright lie. Other alternative options are impending disasters that can't be prevented, while only few could be provided with safety to survive. Yet, other alternatives are a certain greed and desire for global dominance to simplify the ruling mechanisms of trade and exchange. But non of those things explain a reliable and lasting answer for the big "Why". Why would any controlling element over the masses risk the destruction of healthy minds, who could contribute to find solutions for emerging challenges. Is there any knowledge that would guarantee that the DNA of common people is so useless that all hope would be wasted on us? Oh, yes, naturally this is already silly talk, right. All measures to ensure our health and proper nutrition, supported, subsidised or even enforced by any government, are genuinely brilliant and in the best interest of us all. It's people like ourselves, who occupy positions in all fields. We wouldn't turn against ourselves, right. Because it is ourselves, who are responsible for all these measures. Science is completely sincere, education is to nurture our intellectual evolution and politics are the means to simplify the organization of the masses for the masses. Some greedy, foul apples may interfer sometimes, but once they're picked out and are publically displayed, all is well again in the populous, right. And suddenly our strange little weaknesses to fall for those mechanics to strive for secondary effects can be justified and properly belittled. We still have our dignity, right? But what's that anyway. Can't buy a sugarfree gum with dignity or the burger before that.
The only "personal bubble" people are talking about describes one's psychological state, regarding privat issues. But the reality is, the perception of life that is being tought to us is the real bubble we're stuck in. The idea of "simplicity" and the submission to the infinite complexity of government, institutions and business as a whole, that's the iron bubble we're being pushed in. And for a while it felt like that bubble had room for half of mankind. Today there's barely room for a family or even oneself. Tomorrow... maybe your head won't fit in that bubble anymore.
Within yourself, inside your true conscious self, if you get to revive it, sits the answer to what you need to do, shaped and shaking as what you truely want to do, what you will end up loving to do. It does not know the government, it does not know television, it does not know institutions, it barely knows your neighbor. But it knows who you truely are. And when you reveal it and share it, you will begin to know you and your family will know you, your neighbor may get to know you and you'll be able to truely begin to simply do your best. Remember, it might not even be a specific task you love to do, it may just be helping others, it may just be learning and sharing the observations, it may be silly and reptetitive tasks for the sake of participating, all of this can satisfy this aspect of your soul and you can rely on your instincts so that people may rely on you. Glory is truth, as is simplicity, as is clarity. This will lead you towards your primary motive and security, happiness and satisfaction will revive the glory of the secondary effects again for what they are.

Soul - a devine device?

2011-05-11T04:22:00.000-07:00

Alright, no excuses, I'm on a curious path these days, investigating devine matters, trying to understand the workings within humans and our presence. And every now and then I arrive at some curious ideas. Curious enough to share, even if it may seem a bit "out there" or what ever it makes me look like. Obviously I don't quite care all that much about my appearance, just enough to mention it, haha.

After all my contemplations in regards to our origin and function I came to think that Love would be the device by which we can read and follow a devine guidance system. But Love itself is only one of the ways a device may communicate with us. It might be more appropriate to recognize the Soul as such. What we sense as love is the confirmation for a proper decision, while pain or sorrow are warning signals, all issued by the soul itself. It's not a matter of locating the soul, really, but probably rather recognizing it as our "god given" guidance system. It's embedded within what we call intuition or even instinct, the basic workings of our mind. Our mind is not just wired for survival, neither are our instincts. Why, for example, would we risk or life for someone or even something (slightly misguided) we love. While I'd like to drop a distinction there. I'd like to speculate that it is the result of a design. Oh, it ain't easy to go down that road, I know, not to laugh at intelligent design and to dismiss pure evolution, but one would do well to truely go beyond earth and its local manifestation of life to investigate a stronger coherence within existence as a whole.

Increasingly I'm becoming convinced that an entity we call god has actually called us into existence to serve a very specific purpose. I've written about some of it earlier; "The Puzzle...". This god, however, may well be one entity, having been complete enough in "its" composition (forgive me, if I don't pick a gender right now!) to recognize a state of incompletion, that may pieces are missing. To find the missing pieces and to integrate it, Yahweh (if that's a name for his entity) created agents, simplified copies of itself to scour the universe for pieces of the puzzle so that god could come and implement means to find a proper integration. Having gone that far already, I might as well assume that it'll be humans or humanoids in all systems. I'm also assuming that all matter in the universe we recognize are the product of coagulation and encase fragments needed to complete the puzzle. Most of them may be small enough to be somewhat generic and useless until a blueprint was available. While other pieces, such as those on earth, are complex enough to require careful experimentation- for the lack of a better word.
In some ways it somehow reminds me of the copying process within our cells, while the existing DNA offers such a blueprint onto which smaller fragments can be fitted. The entity's dilemma may be the lack of such a blueprint.
However, those agents we commonly refer to as angels, were fitted with great power, left with no natural demise, but given two major intellectual traits to function well by themselves; self-preservation and obedience to god.
Armed with the knowledge of what's to come, that the final union of all fragments would defy there sense of self-preservation, some of them concluded to sacrifice obedience. Those became the fallen angels.
Recognizing this tragic mistake, god had to reconsider the means to control its creation. A different method had to be implemented to guide the created vessles and rely on their self-sufficiency. The result might well be the soul. The soul would reward you with love and warn you with discomfort. Soul may be but a word, describing the code section of the mind that should keep us on the right path. The right path would have us choose based on true love and find the right direction where we sense to find it. Particularely those, who'd find together to procreate, would do so most advantageously, if true love brought them together.
The fallen angels, demons, would try to corrupt this process to delay the final solution, stealing time to formulate the means for their survival. They would impose restrictions on humanity, preventing them from moving freely, choosing freely and encountering true love, where ever possible. They would delude the minds to create great sense of urgency, lifting survival above love and making security a priority which could be satisfied by superficial means. They implemented means to control the population of earth, distract it and hide from it. They would corrupt humans into becoming agents for them, luring them with hope and convincing them of the importance for self-preservation. After all, god couldn't offer them an explanation for what's so good about being whole again. Why would such suicide of an individual result in a greater good?
God's terrible dilemma wouldn't get any easier. That which "it" has created, fueled with its own urge to be, could not sense the urgency of being complete, rewarded with contentment in a fragmental state, the creation would rebel without an answer for why their own disolving could lead towards any aspirable goal. It's a terrible state. But when you recognize the truth throughout it all, you can find out something so liberating, so powerful and wonderful, that you gladly fulfill your mission and listen with joyful care. Every living thing, every piece of the puzzle is god. You are a piece of god. Life is...well...you know. So you only perpetuate confusion and chaos by not having faith in what this device is telling you. We're god's hope to become whole again and our soul helps us to navigate by offering us direction through powerful love and informational pain.

Yes, I know, it's broad and undetailed, it's skippy and simplistic, but it's a start, I believe. Find the root and follow it up the tree, you know.

Superglue

2011-02-14T06:17:00.000-08:00

We adhere to what we are, believe survival is personal. We're meant to see our future in our kids, think that our species will have to persist. We look at life as if a gift, like we were there already to exist. As if it's in and out of being whole, sustain our glory as a goal. But then we miss the greatest vision; transformation is life's mission. We only guess what was before, much like a hobby to explore. Yet, somehow simply we conclude, that winning meant not to delude what god has granted us to be, like he expected us to see, that on his stunning godly plant we're the beginning with no end. That it's our duty to ignore the truth that lingers in our core, which holds some different revelations that transcent both peers and nations. Says we'll never really know, but feel and hope and wish to grow beyond confines of fear and loss and read with some obedience the path with marks that tickle all which we perceive as love

Define Consciousness

2010-09-25T07:02:00.000-07:00

In some ways one could simplify that consciousness is considered a reaction, deliberate and potentially contrary to an appearant physical requirement or presence. To declare oneself by the detection of one's own existence for the purpose of relating the self to the experience of existence as a whole; "where am I amongst the living and all things". It may be considered, too, the ability to attempt to grow beyond current limitations measured by an idea of how things could be, a vision of improvement. Consciousness is an urge to react to the known and the unknown alike, relating it to a known and enabling choices beyond obligations. To become aware of obligations is yet another fragment of it as well as the ability to suspend them for reasons outside of reliable certainty.
Do we qualify ourselves based on existing circumstances or a mysterious best that we somehow know of, but can't represent at present time. Is this "best" defined by ourselves or merely suggested by others or circumstances? Are we allowed to make such definition based on our own conclusions and how does it differ from any direct outside instruction?
It is to be assumed that no other human being can truely detect or define the true nature of your personal best, which actual or percise field it pursues as long as your own history, your own upringing has been the product of permanent manipulation and necessary adaptions to environments or artificial demands that are contrary to your internal focus.
In some ways this train of thought gradually drifts towards a different kind of passivity that may well deprive us of the very foundation of consciousness. The moment we depart from our original path, we suspend our only real obligation to activate the power of our consciousness. It may lead us on a path away from the ideal achievement, be it a connection to or even the creation of the best that could possibly come from us.
A true education might merely consist of proper information in regards to the circumstances that are to be encountered as well as the best of knowledge about the path on how to master our environments and how to accept a useful symbiosis with the given as opposed to fighting it. Education should never represent a reduction or inexplicable limitation of relevant factors, but open up the potential of each being to make "conscious" decisions based on all known parameters as well as the exploration of those unknown.
Any willful manipulation of a being's development, introduced by arrogance and fear, can't lead to a result that finds proper judgement within such student without leading towards either an internal rebellion or a loss of will. Even while both those events are temporary in nature, they skew the true path and submit one to further distraction and ultimatively loss of sincere direction. The beginning of long struggles that we are all to familiar with.
We mold those "beneath" us into what we intent for them to be. Voluntarily or not, willingly or not, we deprive them of their fully revealed consciousness, yet, we still insist in its glory.
At the end, it's words, only words such as this. As if language had taken away from us the true understanding and we're wrestling our way back to it, quantized by the grammatic of communication. It appears to me that language had quickly deteriorated into the means of manipulation and oppression, rather than improving collaboration by means of synchronisation.
As a being is deprived of its true self-determination within the whole and as part of the whole, indoctrinated with a contrived purpose, it is forced into doubt and a permanent self-evaluation, detatching itself from the whole as it cannot find its place amongst life around it. In some ways one could simplify that at this point the being has lost consciousness.

The Hidden Puzzle

2010-09-24T05:12:00.000-07:00

It's not about resources, neither pure nor walking. It's not about gold nor servitude. It's not about the system, nature nor even the planet itself. This is about a thought of mine, so, please, attach all the mays, mights, shoulds and coulds to make the following entertaining to yourself, if you wish, but allow me to write freely and develop this thought further together with you and not in fear of offense due to the limitation of language itself and my command of it.

As we're being introduced to ideas, originating from the very surface of our (self) organisation, we are made to consider emotions and agendas, greed, love, hate, generosity, hunger, power, poverty, rule, religion, technology, health and other such things that correspond with what we can experience. If we had a use for hope, if there was a place for hope, which of the above held the most promiss?
Brainstorm it and you are exercising the place within ourselves that's so close to the hidden puzzle piece that it virtually has energy tumbling all around it. I believe that the hiding spot for the code fragment of the universe is located in the part of the brain that is inaccessible to us by design. It's a wild theory, of course, but it's the only place I'm aware of that has not been truely explained or successfully examined for it's actual use within the vehicular system we represent. It's not impossible that it is accessible after all and can actually be read such that triggers of it connect to autonomous or subconscious secretions or our ability to recognice complimentary structures within others. Hahahaha, yes, I know you are becoming increasingly convinced that I've totally lost it and that makes probably around 6 billion of us, but let me just endulge a little further into the possibilities.
I sure hope that you've read the previous post first (order out of chaos), but I will give you a brief summery of the train of thought with a slight update of possibilities on the same foundation.
Two containers, that we usually call universes, intersected and the substances with in them exploded into a swirling mess. It might well have been an impregnation, as it somehow doesn't make sense to me that on such scale at probably a higher dimension than the one we're in and experience accidents could happen to begin with. However, the violent intersection scatters segments of a large code throughout the universe. We call it DNA. As there has not been a supervising force at work that we know of or would help us with this thought right now, but the reliance on logic, the puzzle had to solve itself again. "Calcifying" the matter, stars, planets and other lumps formed giantic clusters as fractal as the pulling forces that began to bring them into place. Like a giant separator, it pulls useless formation into a giant grinder, a super massive backhole, as we call it, expecting that any complete fragment could escape the destruction. Various ways of deactivation of subsystems (solar systems) in a presorting process either vaporize matter or contribute it to neighboring systems within the giant separator.
As soon as sufficient start configurations of DNA found back together, the big puzzling game could begin. Some systems contained larger sequences, others smaller and so forth. All the larger pieces would eventually form creatures to consciously begin collecting and to eventually escape the grinders. They would begin to search the universe for other pieces. If the simple circumstances of a planet by means of its situation within the system would be the reason or the fact that it would already have usable fragments because of it, they would visit them and see if they can attach their code in hopes to find new pieces then. In some cases they might even find planets that already have fully functional creatures, different enough to suggest a chance great enough to continue the puzzle.
Assuming that their form has done well for them and that a vehicle similar to themselves was necessary to find a proper attachment of potential fragments, they'd create limited versions of themselves and leave them to their own devices to commence with the puzzling. Themselves being a fragment of the unknown, they understood to rely on a logic that appearantly was beyond themselves. Conscious efforts failed numerous times, so they decided to leave those creatures to themselves provided with some guidance.
Frequently they would return for checkups. Should something have gone utterly wrong, they would sift out the most hopeful and discard of the rest. It would be useless to do a complete restart from scratch, unless there was something else they had found in the meantime.

It's not about gold nor servitude, not about resources nor power. It might be about wisdom, the connection to the missing piece, it might be about technology, connecting to the missing piece or it might be about an unknown signal emitted by another hidden mechanism, enabling access to a lower dimension for nearly instantaneous connection within our dimension that would transmit the successful and functional connectivity. Who knows, but love may well be the subconscious trigger that helps us find the perfect match for procreating in the most hopeful way. And that's another story worth exploring.

Order out of Chaos

2010-09-20T06:25:00.000-07:00

(originally an email to a dear friend of mine)

I just had a set of revelations that feel very strong and actually useful as a foundation towards understanding. To properly describe them I'd have to take you for a longer and bigger ride above all that we know or even could know and right back to where we are and have been. One of the fruits of my thoughts is hinted in the subjectline, but the meaning is slightly different from what we thought we understood.

Logic. As part of our indoctrination we are being taught to associate logic with coldness, the negative nature of predictability and the idea of rigidity. We're being put under the impression that creativity defies logic and human emotions are merely compromised by the confines of a paradigm such as logic. It's at best a useful approach towards humanless procedures, a precision tool, but nothing to lead a life by, right?!

The forces of chaos gave us this and hide behind the idea that logic contains lifeless evil and chaos contains hope. Destiny is a curse, fate a horrible idea and freedom and free will go against both, right?

Now it will get a bit complicated, so, please, bare with me...

You might have heard of the theory that the beginning of "our" universe happened not by means of a "big bang" through a singularity, but by the intersection of two universes colliding, have you? What happened there was that two different kinds of - let's just call it- "plasmas" intermingled, got mixed up and clumped into what ended up as the matter we perceive and are "made of". It created tremendous chaos and spued all throughout both "bubbles", so to say. The means of dimensions received a vital relevance as everything had started to require reconstruction from the ground up just to separate the plasma of one universe from the other or lead to some kind of solution. Whether it's the separation of both again or a unifying of them, matter is a kind of immune-response to chaos, being introduced by the sudden mix up of two (probably) independent entities. Further more, matter is a state of lower dimensions, such as the one we are in.

What are dimensions?

Well, in my model as I had pondered over an observation, when I was developing the math for polygon rasterization, dimensions are states of repetitions of all lower dimensions. The dimension itself represents a building block for the next dimension. Using a pixel as "singularity" to represent the 1st dimension, making a line requires the repetition of this very pixel to a new location. To make a surface it requires the transforming repetition of the line. To make a volume it requires a transforming repetition of a surface. To move it over time you need to repeat the volume with a transformation. To vibrate energy you need to repeat the transformation of the volume through time with a transformation and so on, and so on, and so on. This gets incredibly complex and we're not even at dimension Nr.6. To make sense of our world as we can actually observe it, we already have to climb to the 11th or 12th dimension. It has incredible complexity as it is and is far beyond our practical understanding. Yet, we do not even know, whether we represent the last step, the last repetition before the ideal form is reached. And that's exactly where this thought is leading to.

Whole again.

When we paint a shape, we ordinarily envision something and then translate the vision to the medium, let's say the paper. We kind of know the shape and then, essentially, trace our idea. Depending on our degree of ability we might do exactly what we had envisioned, or we agree on rather accidental variations towards an approximation of what we thought of. Along the way we
encounter mistakes, we draw a line roughly until we believe it's goal is reached and then move on to the next step. It's, even while preconceived to some degree, a very organic approach into the actually, factually unkown. More than many other examples, this might describe our real existence most accurately, but at a level that almost always escapes our imagination. Our complexity is naturally far higher than just a line, but maybe, just maybe we are simply trying to achieve our ideal state by which it becomes known that our contribution to our dimension is completed. The result of this should either be the unity of both universes becoming one again, or each universe becoming one again in itself. No matter how to look at it, it's about returning to a state of harmony, a state of logic.

Along the way, within the chaos, matter has encountered critical mass, so to say, by means of "selfawareness". It's that exact state that is misunderstood and incomplete. In this state the idea of survival as the medium itself became so relevant, that certain entities decided to remain as they are afraid to lose themselves. They wouldn't or couldn't recognize that we are all meant to sort out the differences to become one again, to swing in harmony. To do so we simply have to follow our real instincts, which are far beyond that which we are made to consider as primitive. Our creativity wants to lead us towards logic and makes the wonders of it more and more appearant to us. No matter what they try to inject into the media we discover to use, we recognize the satisfying beauty of logic and can learn from it to apply such simple logic to the foundation of our lives, using nature logically, using the sun, the universe logically, become one with matter again. But the forces of chaos fight against it with all their might. It is their order that tries to keep us away from unifying, away from discovering and practicing our best, the best of our abilities, the best of our understanding.

Order out of chaos does not represent a sequence of events, but the actual state we are in. It describes our system as the order that chaos is forcing on us.

How to go against it. Hmmmm... in my current state of understanding, it's most important to listen to our hearts, our instincts, to follow the best of our natural intelligence and listen to what we really want. It's just so important to make a good distinction between what we really want positively and by itself as opposed to what we want because of the forces of chaos. What we really want is not hidden in the reaction to all the "wrong" that is happening. It's actually inside our true focus, the little funky place on which we know we can focus on with great joy and passion. It does not at all need to be something great. It in itself may actually require an interaction with the chaos, as healing is interaction with a problem and an important task. We as the universes' turmoil need to find healing, actually. The nature of our contribution is unclear on the surface, but within us we have the answer fully, completely and unmistakably. But it's very difficult to peel away all that we've been taught and all that is still practically in the way. We need to shed the dumb restrictions that we so religiously obide by. Such as time...thinking that our lifetime is something finite. Our chance to come closer to the "end of the line" is within every lifetime and won't go away. Well, now, that's a really complicated thought, but that's all part of the cleaning process of our utterly polluted minds.

Hmmmm...let's have a little more fun with all of this then. In terms of wild speculations it doesn't go a whole lot further, does it.
Let's say the two universes had different base compositions, where as one of them had DNA and the other one- for now let's say- something else. All of life is the attempt of the DNA based universe to recompose itself properly. Life's short span as we know it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, given the possibility that it could be complete, perfect enough to arrive at full control over composition, active construction or restructuring, thinking with nearly no limitation, so to say. All the species, all that which we are made to consider evolution is actually nothing but the slowly reconstructing fundamental structure of one of the universes. What if immortality is nothing fancy, but the actual standart or proper constitution of that which manifests through such DNA. What if we are but a fragment of that, which tries to reconnect.
For a moment it kept bouncing around in my head that all of life might be a party of chaos until I felt the possibility of the above. We are always trying to become something. We evaluate what we are by looking at our history, studying all the beings on earth and still hope to find other forms of life in space. A part of us hopes that we find completeness within our world. Other can't imagine it and just know there's more out there. We certainly exhibit the ability of life on earth to piece together bigger and bigger straints of DNA, even optimizing it along the way. Seems to me it puzzles itself together the basic construction that broke off during the collision, or how ever one might think of the original event.
To me, at least, it seems that mortality is a flaw that originates in the unsatisfying composition of life's instructional element and that immortality should never be the goal, but only the side effect of the DNA's perfection.

Alright, are you still with me?

Let's go crazy then...
Pieces of DNA are scattered throughout the universe, planted it would try to reconstruct. Some had more proper pieces, others less. As the appearantly better equipped attempts awoke to this revelation, they began to search the universe for missing pieces. Where ever they'd encounter "life", they'd probe it to find either new elements or examine those different configurations. If there would be something so promissingly different that it was worth it to unite, they'd try that.

I will leave you to this thought. You take it to the next level.

Avatar

2009-12-20T16:45:00.000-08:00

There are people so far up on top of the foodchain, that they virtually hold the end of it in their hands. And for millenia they have turned humanity against life, declaring it to be somehow different and removed from it. Now they turn their ignorant globalist puppets against humanity itself. Whether James Cameron is a genuine fool or a ruthless and corrupt beggar, he uses his position to bring us yet another movie that is supposed to help all of us understand that humans are a pest. How shallow and dumb have we become to accept this rape of our minds. You may not fully understand the magnitude of that betrayal, but this kind of movie is supposed to perpetuate the self-fulfilling prophecy and make us viable for destruction in our own eyes. It's a free-ticket for us to run full tilt into the abyss with no regrets. Congratulations...
"Marginally effective entertainment nonsense", you say? That's what the barrel said about the dripping foccette. I sincerely hope that Avatar, this orgy of childish bullshit in nearly every regard, leads to a role reversal and make the barrel full of such crap finally flow over.

You should recognize that it's not your instinct to destroy yourself. It's not your desire to saw down the branch you're sitting on. You're not too dumb to sustain yourself, your family and contribute to the healthy pursuit of happiness through a secure and plentiful life.

You all have been manipulated simply because most of you are trusting, not lazy, not weak, not incapable, but just full of natural faith that your tribe, your pack is taking care of you. We live in a world so full of people that we can't just ask our neighbor, if he knows the board of directors and expect to get a dinner date with them. Your neighbor knows the same thing you know and that's what the tube tells and even shows him, what the teachers at school read to him or made him read and what the guys at the phonelines of his credit institute told him, if he wasn't gonna follow the plan we're all having been fed.

Well, now it tells you that breathing out is a crime against nature and that you have to pay tribute to the mighty inhalers at the international monetary fund so they can control the repair of the damage you've done with your worthless existence. Just in case you weren't aware of that, just watch some more movies like Avatar, 2012, Day After Tomorrow and the likes... they're all a great ride and you won't regret, but cheer as they sneak our own destruction into our bloodstreams, into our minds and push out all hope of ever being free.

I don't know about you, but I prefer to recognize the amazing grace that life has and the fragile brilliance of intelligence as it is given to beings we understand as being alive. Above all, and without judgement or hierachical determination, the human being. We do not have responsibilities for anything outside of ourselves, because all that is alive is part of ourselves. Meaning we are responsible for everything that we do, just in case that's being misread. I've said it many times before and I hate to see it dragged through the mud by such movies like Avatar, but in many ways we're like the mushrooms that stick out of the ground. The mushroom we see is only the fruit of a giant structure underneath. These fruits still need to work best for the environment in which they emerge. They can and have to be different. They do not need to eat exactly the same, they do not need to sing the same songs, but they need to nurture the structure beneath, which wants these fruits to work well. For if they do not work, it simply has to come up with a different kind of fruit. But that's just food for thought to yet another bullshit movie coming out of the mind-bending factories of Hollywood and where ever its poisonous branches reach to. The people, the artists, the great minds, they have so much potential, so much power, but it's the ability to create and deliver messages, connect people and celebrate and inspire accomplishments. But that's all they are and they do not have to be more. Neither does any other factory worker, farmer, healer, helper or protector.

You should now continue these thoughts on your own, because I don't want to believe you wouldn't understand how to. Trust me, not one of us has the perfect answer, but together we may stand a chance to figure it out. That reminds me of yet another great anti-human propaganda that goes" Not one of us is as dumb as all of us.". That sounds funny, but it's total bullshit. It's what they want us to believe. (Devide...) I think the problem is, that they look at this from a corporate or rather industrial perspective. If too many people begin to think about what is wanted from them, they all realize that it doesn't make any sense to begin with. Either way...

You must first heal yourself and have to become strong from the inside out to feel your own actual powers. As silly as this may sound, but food is a great start. Don't trust mainstream media with their food advice or any for that matter. Instead dig deeper and carefully, check out and validate independent sources by yourself. The first thing you have to realize, though, is that it's not rocket-science and fairly easy to eat healthy. If it sounds too complicated, be very careful. Use your mind and not your heart, uhm...to get your heart to sustain your mind, hehehe... anyways.

Ah well, I'm ranting and preaching, thinking I have permission to do that, but I sincerely hope that the authorities will always allow me to speak my mind and I wish that you don't hesitate to laugh, if you have to, don't hesitate to let it all out, but forget all about who said all of the above and keep in mind the message instead. It's open, it's free, as any and all thoughts are. I'd have to lie, if I wasn't wanting to be just that: free like a thought!

Distractions of the flesh

2009-10-10T00:37:00.000-07:00

It seems as if we were the first creatures on earth to become selfaware. As that we behave like infants, being preoccupied with the idea of figuring out ourselves. We're not yet far enough in our understanding to focus beyond oneself. To recognize what we have to do to contribute or even develop our personal best in order to stear towards a best possible accomplishment of us all, this still seems inaccessible to our minds.
As long as we can't acknowledge the whole for ourselves, we rely on others, the system and it's propagators, to tell us what to do. So much so that we even rely on them to tell us what to believe. We don't gather knowledge, but swallow instructions. And all this simply because our selfawareness does not provide a revelation in regards to our purpose.

I went on a journey to allow myself to follow my real desires, the activities that lead to accomplishments that bring me true joy. I was waiting for the right moment to begin disregarding the advice of those, who pointed into a different direction. That right moment came with a certain clarity in regards to what I knew I loved to do. But as an artist, people alway give you advice away from arts, which might sound like a different story, inapplicable to the rest of us. But I don't believe so. I think it merely has to be adapted.

As I began to follow my wishes, knowing that they meant a pursuit of constant self-improvement, I listened to every advice that could help navigate into the life I had to live, even if it wasn't immediately useful or sometimes even out of context. In this way I was already accepting the common spirit, the cooperation of humans by advice coming from somewhere else and somewhen.

Anyway, the more we can rely on wisdom in our free will, the more we recognize that self-determination feeds into the ultimate group-determination, the more we can rely on the advice of others during the process of the discovery of our personal passion and purpose.

In the meantime we always have to gather options as informations and informations as options, finding out like with a happiness sensor, a radar for the field of our true self-application, in which direction we'd like to head. Never confuse the urge to become the best as one that was for yourself. You only count as one of us all and nothing of you remains but that which you've given away!

Just as no math can help us calculate what we will do next, no hope for a state of ours can help us know what we'd do if we reached it. I don't know how best to describe this, but I'm talking about those who fell for the idea of money and monetary riches. It's confusion that leads people into thinking that way. The lack of enlightened logic, one that goes beyond the currently existing system of mankind, leads people to seek refuge in a dream of power and autonomy. As if this state may help them finally realize what they were meant to do. I don't know how to break this cycle of insanity. I am somewhat afraid of thinking about that as long as I am alone, or there are too few people I know to recognize the nature of our dilemma. So all I can do right now as I've been doing for a long time, mostly without knowing, is that my choices can represent an option. Whereby I hope that people realize the difference between solution and method. I'm always talking about method. But enough of all this... ...I need to focus my flesh for a bit! ;-)

First steps into photography...

2009-10-05T09:49:00.000-07:00

After a long time of silence I've decided to post something again. I've just started to pick up photography a bit more seriously and bought myself a nice DSLR (Canon 500D/Rebel T1i) and an objective for it (Sigma 18-250mm), nicer than the one from the kit.

I'm still thrilled with my old Casio Exilim EX-Z1050

But the Canon really takes my hobby into a new dimension. Just that I'm not there, yet!

But I'm already treating my images with little respect again, crunching them into a pulp...

Naturally I have a ton more experiments, but those are the ones from yesterday and therefore the most fun to me. I have no idea how any of this will be perceived, but rest assured, I won't quit anything for this, hahaha.

There's actually a lot for me to learn in all of this, aside from the humbling experience to take a nice camera for a walk as I still feel utterly inadequate for it. I'm learning about composition from a different point of view again and get to explore translations of all my former revelations in regards to design somewhere within a frame around nature. Not to mention all the technicalities that I'm still somewhat wrestling with. But it's all tremendous fun!

Earthlings

2009-07-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

For thousands of years mankind is being told that it's not from earth. We're being told that we can not sufficiently feed ourselves from that, which nature produces, that we are not part of nature to begin with. We've been brought here by some outside source, be that god or other aliens, or- for the most acknostic people- that we largely outgrew our dependency from nature, evolved beyond its sufficient support. Every angle seems to be covered to make us believe that we can only rely on inventions of some special peers of ours, who devoted their lives to the study which ever field that develops our means of survival. You can't live without the goods from the supermarket, the medicin from the pharmacy, the vehicles from the industries and- most importantly- without money. Nature works against you, parasites, bacteria, virus, plants, insects, animals and even the weather, water and the sun are all out to kill you. The only reason you are still breathing is because other alien beings, namely humans such as yourself, are keeping you alive, protecting you from the harmful planet you've been dropped on. You just need to beg for their money, which then is given to you, so you can give it back to them in order to be save. It doesn't matter if you want to do what you're doing, just as long as you do what seems to be useful to them or at least not harmful and keeps you occupied. Thinking, for example, is a harmful thing to do. What if you had enough time and not enough distraction so that you recognize the insanity of this setup. What if you somehow figured out that you're not an alien?! You may realize that the tomato you just had in your salad, along with all the rest, actually grows voluntarily on this hostile earth. That your oil is from olives or other seeds that also grow on the same soil by the same means. What if you begin to understand that your cat or your dog is almost identically to yourself in principle. Skull, spinalchord, ribs, arms, legs, hands, feet, heart, liver, kidneys, intestins, lungs, blood, brains, nails, teeth, hair, skin, sleeping, eating, dumping, communicating, playing and a real appreciation for feeling safe. Maybe the same aliens where putting those on earth, too. The bible says so for sure. In fact, the bible did a big mistake, because it had the same alien put all of life on earth, aside from putting earth to where it is now along with all the rest. So eventually people saw no reason not to believe that nature could give us all we need and used the herbs and energies we could receive for free. Soon enough they were burned on the stake for doing so and the bible had to be taught differently again. It still says the same things, but it's made to be understood in a different way. The establishment made yet again use of a distinction between man, animal and plants. While the alien boss put all of it together, his sons would mingle with his creation and produce our race, alien to his own creation, back into the mix. Again, if you fail to believe that story, you're being given a bunch of other options, none of which you can proof personally, but there's at least one thing in there that sounds plausible enough to detach you from the simple and beautiful truth. We're all children of earth. We have developed and still are developing by the ingenuity of a system for transformation that has an ultimative agenda, which we can only speculate about, but which permits us to recognize that we are in a perfect symbiosis with all of life, most likely not just that on earth.
Here's a dramatic example you may think about, even if I have not taken the time to go into the exact details of it, but it's a raw concept for your understanding. Cancer is merely a failure of our immune system. Roughly speaking, if your immune system is in perfect or at least very good condition, you should not encounter any tumors in your body. Here's what happens within you every single moment of your life. As a cell requires duplication for the renewal or reparation of any system of your body, it essentially clones the DNA string it holds and passes it on into the newly creating cell. This cloning process is not always perfect. When something goes wrong and the new DNA string is faulty, your immune system recognizes it and flushes out the whole new cell to make way for another attempt. When, however, your immune system is compromised and certain parts of your body are producing wrongly cloned cells more frequently than the immune system can flush out, it will miss that chance and the newly created faulty cell, still able to procreate, will do so. Faulty growths are happening. What the medical industry does to you then is a stunning thing. They make you go through chemotherapy, destroying your immune system almost completely. In this sudden reset, there might be a chance that somehow your system recovers and goes through something like a general maintance run, which may attack the tumors then, if that's what they were thinking, but it essentially is an equivalent to bloodletting, which was yet another beautiful idea of the medical establishments in earlier days. Cutting into the tumor also risks spreading the faulty cells throughout your body, while the weak immune system then won't be able to fight it elsewhere either and more growths start happening. What you should do instead is to heal up your immune system, target it directly with the best boost you can get. One example are intraveniously injected high amounts of vitamine C along side a change in diet that supplies your cells with all the necessary material to neatly copy themselves as well as a good supply of energy for that process. Plenty of fruits and vegetables give you those supplies, while some herbs my help targetting specific deficiencies. At the same time you should stay away from foods or habits that would harm your system. Depending on how timely you switch into this gear, you may heal yourself from cancer, even if it already has given you some tumors. Should a tumor be lifethreatening already, it still appears most important to ramp up your immune response before cutting into it. But I don't know these things, because I have not devoted my life to this research. Others do that already and it's wise for you to learn from them. But they are not too easy to find and often ridiculed. They didn't buy into the alien theory and are fortunate enough that burning at the stake is not so trendy anymore. So while they're still alive, you may consult them. Start by looking for Gary Null, for example. Although I can only hope he forgives me, in case I made some dramatic mistakes in my above explanation. It's merely something I have deduced from various things I've read, combined with my imagination. That is our true power and our true fault. We learn from each other, but if we're being mislead we may run into a dangerous or even deadly direction. But we also learn from ourselves, if we focus on our instincts. Every creature on this planet seems to be born with enough information to survive, given the "normal" circumstances. The same goes for us. How far it goes is a different story, but I wouldn't be surprised, if only minimal guidance would help us into a healthy life with few educational hick-ups.
Our society, however, has given us a deadly environment, as removed from nature as possible and as filled with hazards for every part of ourselves as possible. The moment we plunge into life, we are being lead into the way of life it promotes. Very little chance is given to us to wake up out of the nonsense, recognize the abuse and regain our understanding for what we are and what we need to do. Nature still wants to be our driving force, but we deny it to ourselves. Our brilliance, our creativity, our sense of responsibility, our compassion, our curiosity, in various degrees it's all part of everyone of us and it makes us want to do things. And not just procreation, as the establishment wants you to believe. It's not murdering either, or laziness, or uselessness, or sadism, or hate, or stupidity. Those are all the imposed traits we are being manipulated by. Certainly there are weaknesses, but that's where our collaboration, our abiltiy to work with each other, comes into play. Natures plan was to recognize the power of group building organisms. From the lowest levels to the highest complexities, it's always been about cooperation. But not a forced cooperation, but a freely discoverable and relatable cooperation. It does not have a boss, but a common goal. It has guidance that emerges out of sharing revelations. Ideas that are not entirely beneficial can be used as inspiration to find an even better solution. Hardly any idea comes from a no-need situation. That means, since we yet have to master all we really have to master, new ideas will always be necessary.
But right now, as we've been pushed out of our original understandings, we may need to find some old ideas again, too. Nature is a giant symbiosis and within it we find all that we need to exist. It's not just a very old idea, but a truth we may never be able to entirely detach from. Eventually we will take all of nature with us, where ever we may go, but for now it's important to realize: You are a creature from earth. You are nature. The fabric you are made of is the fabric that will be returned to it, but in the meantime you should embrace the billions of years nature as transformed to arrive at you as a proud result. You carry with you the value of an entire planet, you are one amazing incarnation of earth, but so is everyone and every other form of life on it and you should recognize and respect it. Also know, that you are claiming the highest of responsibilities, if you decide to kill something. At this moment you assume to be a judge of earth. Can you understand life beyond yourself? Do you even know, who or what you are? Defending your life and that of others is a noble choice, but even then any murdering is a sign of catastrophical weakness. You should always know, at least, that you are the weakest one in any situation that makes you kill anyone, any part of nature. That which has died by your hand has not been given the chance to exhibit greater weakness than yourself.

The apex of "me"

2009-04-24T05:44:00.000-07:00

Now here's maybe the wildest post I've made so far and it may well remain the wildest for a long time.

I believe we are rolling through the apex of the "me"-concept of life's approach to higher intelligence. I've been talking about that for a while, but- even if just for myself- I thought it's time to write this down as matters appear to become more and more terrifying or- at the very least- confusing.

Most of life, plants and animals alike, exist by means of interactions with and awareness of the environment and content around them. Their selfawareness seems to be limted for the purpose of maintenance and some adaptation at best. But during the course of evolution major catastrophes eliminated run after run of life's transformation ideas. The lucky or the clever ones marked the beginning of a new attempt.
In our current round the inherited power of a creature has given way to a perfectly new concept. Learning by relating the environment to ourselves and vise versa. The concept of "me". What does this do to me, what can I do to it. But the real confusions began when the question had risen: "Who am I?" or less gramatically correct but more percisely:"What is me?".
Aside from not finding any proper answer, we've offered this confusion to allow for all sorts of manipulation from others and to others from ourselves.

We found out our weaknesses and the desire to be "more" in order to find for ourselves a higher viability to survive or represent a valuable strain of nature. Naivety presented a gate for an ever increasing corruption of the initially ingenius appearing concept of "me". Most people, as they are followers- admittedly or not- wanted to be like those with power. For a long time in our own evolution that meant a great way to improve rapidly. Someone figured out how to do something with a tool, others wanted to learn that, too, and so forth. Through the entire process we appear to have developed a kind of wish to be something special. Deep within ourselves we instinctively pursued the concept of evolution, knowingly or not, that the preservation of our own strain would proof viability above any potential appearance to the contrary. Who ever came at the right time at the right place into the right woman (LOL, sorry!) would find himself in a dominant position and would create a dominant line of family. A sometimes not so hidden battle for family dominance emerged.

While in the beginning of mankind's dominion it was very clear to realize that cooperation has been the key to success against adversities, this concept started to degrade and deform with the distortion of the "me"-concept over time. At the high levels, however, a new incarnation of cooperation had evolved. And that's many thousands of years ago. Cooperation led to larger conventions of humans, settlements. Within such a settlement the rules of the wild began to vanish and people lost their understanding of things their parents took for granted. They even lost their understanding of how to deal with each other and eventually a need for guidelines and rules came to be. That also formulated a new nature of power within or rather above a group. People now had to listen to coordination given by someone or some group that demanded more and more tribute on top of the generally required respect. Status became relevant to define the quality of "me". Common people began to satisfy their urge for self respect by simulating the appearance of those in power. Wealth itself became a symbol sometimes even more than the tool itself that it would normally represent.

For the last few hundred years it appears as though we've been deliberately pushed apart by turning the concept of "me" against ourselves more than ever before.

In the first big round of "our" time it has been conformation. Look at yourself and make sure you are in line with everybody else. That went up to a breaking point, when the abuse of it became all to appearant through several wars and imposed restrictions when other options became more and more clear to the masses. I might be skipping around wildly, but currently we are or have been in a round that features individualism as a symbol for independence, which has always been a sign of power. That idea is incredibly successful when it's about separating us from each other and everything else, actually. Entertainingly enough it is actually still conformism, but under a new label with the added bonus of officially "giving a damn" about the neighbors, so to say. Naturally we're losing the power of the collective. We lose trust and faith in each other. We've been separated from nature hundreds of years ago by all kinds of religions. I suppose in an effort to satisfy the aquired desire to be special we've allowed ourselves to be defined as such through the proposal of our creation by a higher being. And because of our limited imagination it had to be something we couldn't see to avoid any disproof. And because to establish a hierachy it had to be either an earthly incarnation of a god or at last a messenger of and to the diety.
Again mankind's naivety helped to keep this afloat until the age of information combined with the encouragement of greed, which might have been nothing but a side effect of the abuse of the "me".

So where are we now?

Made to look out mainly for ourselves we're incapable of trusting each other and are looking at what ever is the next best higher power that readily presents itself to us through all media. It leads our thoughts and connects us in just the way and for just the purpose it wants. It feeds us with a manifestation of greed that it knows how to handle. I believe that most of us don't know anymore how to even ask for "who am I" in regards to existence, but only in regards to who ever sees them. "Who am I" amongst my peers. Not "Who am I" as a being to nature, the planet or the universe for that matter (hehe). (side note: musicians might know that a bit better after reading their contracts! LOL).

I will now try to tell you who you are and you have to pull yourself together for a moment. Take a deep breath, please!

Every one of us is a product of transformation of the whole. The whole being life on earth. We are nothing but an incarnation of organic existence with the mission to proof our ability to function as a whole, not as an individual. If we don't understand that we're nothing more than a collection of smaller lifeforms that has an involuntary union in form of our bodies, controlled by several centers of instructions, including our brains, we shall not survive. If we don't worship our privilege to participate as another source of revelation and contribution to the whole, we shall not survive. If we don't recognize with pride to be the sibling of each piece of grass, there's no survival for us. You are life on earth and you're but a moment within its transformation. Much like roots weave their way through the ground, this transformation makes decisions as to where to turn to next. A dead end for a root is only the dead end for a direction and in every way we- as we find ourselves today- represent a direction more a required or sustainable concept. There is no real "me". It is a tool of nature to guide thinking to the next level.

The level after this may well respect "us" more than itself, because a healthy self-maintenance becomes a given again. We won't feed each other with poisenous junk for "personal" gain. We don't trick each other with self-destructing temptations for "personal" gain. Joy and pleasure are the natural reward of knowing to give all you can give to find yourself in a healthy, save and sustainable commune. Guidelines will replace rules, because the "we" would not see an advantage to harm itself, but would want to know how to improve conditions for the whole. And it's not like we weren't capable of doing just that just now! It's not like there wasn't enough food, shelter, knowledge and imagination to get this off the ground. We just have to allow ourselves to be deprogrammed from the insane "devolution" of an initially ingenius concept that was "me".

I don't know where to start other than sharing my thoughts with you. Those are difficult thoughts that are even more difficult to share properly. I can't tell if I have managed to express them understandably. But I'm one of us that knows these thoughts belong to all of us and maybe we all can help to find even more understandable ways to explain them and to continue developing them, of course. Don't forget, there's always room for a joke or two, because humor goes a long way to deal with the crap we've let ourselves ride into. But it's about looking forward. I know many of you may react allergically to such phrazes as the following, but the first best thing you can do is to begin to recognize love as the emotional feedback from knowing that we all are a whole altogether with every kind of life. Forgive those, who were born into the wrong ideas and can't leap out of their degeneration, because somehow nothing appears to oppose their reign effectively. Begin by waking up to simple revelations on how to feed your own cells properly and teach or share what you've learned. Celebrate the power you find by knowing that you are not alone. You can only be seperated by the wrong ideas, but as a being you can never be alone.

But be warned, too! We are as everything else will ever be in life's reviewing session and can be layed off just as easily as we were conceived.

The unknown beauty and power of diversity...

2008-06-17T04:07:00.000-07:00

I'm so sorry, so deeply sorry that I have to tell these things or feel like having to tell these things, expecting that people may not be truely aware of this. It's the beauty and power of diversity not of nature, but of human culture as a part of it.

For most of us have grown up in a single society, a single type of culture, even if traces of others may have drippled into it, through immigrants or the curiosity of some amongst us. Often it is more a matter of superficial sensation that satisfies most people's glance into another culture, even settling for a confirmed stereotype, but never with the courage to submerge their minds into them, trying to recognize the joys, the challenges, the social exchanges and curiosities that formed their values. If we were to fish deeply into the heart of each original culture, we'd find fundamental values we naturally share, but their incarnations reveal just how brilliant people adapted to the requirements in each part of this world to persue them, where ever those real values have a chance to shine through all the madness that is currently committed.
The closer we come to these values, aside from nutritional and shelter needs, be it love and connectivity, the more we experience them, the more we feel freedom, clarity in our choices and faith in each other. Even the most endearing societies can't prevent some idiots from emerging here and their, gangsters and otherwise flawful individuals, but the majority normally can only exist as part of a loving community. Hence it's generally able to control the amount of foul apples and even have some joy in helping to integrate them again or keeping them at bay.

But before I leave this original train of thoughts, I just want to send a little spark into our collective consciousness to ignite the true revelation that every single culture is a human communal solution to have life function in different regions on our planet and that they all have some form of original tradition that goes beyond modern religion and systems, which, if we only paid some more attention, spells freedom, compassion, empathy and actually common productivity to survive with a proper amount of joy, inevitable moments of pain and - when really needed- hope.

so easy...

2007-09-11T05:15:00.000-07:00

Hey, this is my blog and I can write what ever I want. How beautiful. I want to share this with you, although this could be considered rather personal, but what the heck.

It's in the middle of the night and I find myself sitting on my balcony wanting to talk to god. It's so much easier to believe in god sometimes, so much easier to let there be a religion. Honestly, I think we are simply not ready yet to live without a god. Science, knowledge and even reality aside, our weakness brings us straight to the powers beyond us and how beautiful is it to find a person at the other end. Some religious people want to deny it a little bit, the idea that even they picture god as a person. A higher power, a being of sorts, the creator. I honestly don't care, it's much rather like speaking to my father or a father to us all. What wonderful savety, what wonderful retreat. And I always find myself repeating the same word three times to begin my conversation with him: Sir, sir, sir. Like I'm tapping on god's shoulder, asking for a little attention. Naive? You know, yes. It's what we are, because all the atheism in the world as of now is still nothing but a desperate denial. We want to know, we want to be real and life in a world we understand. Floating through space, the universe, which we accept to know only little of, yet, science and awareness gives us so much security. But at the end, if we're really true to ourselves, don't we find ourselves speaking to god every now and then. Even while we smile at ourselves doing so.
If we do not ruin our world, if we not ruin our justification to exist in it, we will grow and one day we may not need to turn to a god anymore. But not just yet, not yet.
See, and I'm kind of laughing at myself right now, but god is the almighty, the one that listens at anytime of the day, at any place and for every reason. Within us and around us, where ever we want to feel his presents. Yes, yes, you can say her presents just as well, but that's nothing but a game. It doesn't really matter. What matters is that I've shared with you a moment of sincerity just out of the deep dark blue of the night.

God bless! :)

A little something about "people"

2007-02-12T15:28:00.000-08:00

Here and there I still find reactions to "people", which exhibit problems with the conclusion it arrives at. The conclusion is that Earth brought forth a creation, which can be called a work of art. Knowledge and experience become the foundation for every new creation. However, the biggest problems appear to be, that some people can't accept the idea, that we weren't made directly by god, that a woman is not just a rip of a man (HAHAHA, sorry) and that snakes and apples weren't deciding the fate of the human race. God and a higher power are very important to a good guidance for human beings, but logic and active thinking has to be just as strong as faith in order to prevent abuse of faith, arising of hate and mindless destructions to each other, based on insignificant differences! While those of you, who have strong faith in god, easily get misled by the earthly powers you've accepted to rule above you, who present you with false pictures of an enemy you wouldn't have, if you knew better, the strength you could have to see and understand the reality was infinitely stronger, if you were to use logic and more active thinking. (what an awefully long line, I apologize).

Anyway, to find out if you are too heavy on the faith side and not strong enough on the side of logic, you just have to listen to your feelings about the "people" clip's conclusion.

Earth, creator of mankind? Earth an artist? Yes, just like a picture you've painted can be directly contributed to your doing. It's not about finding out who had made you or who had made your mother and/or father and so forth. And to make this a little bit easier to understand I wrote this little compact form of an idea...

The world is a vessel that has formed around a stronger object in space called sun. At some point it had reached a certain distance which allowed it to retain a certain amount of material that has collided with it. One type of such material was water. The really magical aspect is how it so happened, that carbon based forms came to split and split again in a seeming effort to transform the landscape. How did this procedure become something we might call a desire?! Relevant mostly is the concept that it is the continueous refinement of that procedure in the quest to make the most successful transformation. Earth, with its very specific parameters, became the plateform for wild and creative transformations we now call evolution! It did in fact try so very many different things that it took hundrets if not thousands of millions of years to arrive at the presents, exhibiting solutions such as humans as the result of it's creativity. Earth is not just a molten core of iron with layers of unorganic material around it, because that's in some form or another almost any planet. Earth is the layer of organic transformations around such a core. We wouldn't call it Earth otherwise. So when I say Earth, I mean probably more the HULL of our planet than anything else. The organic hive we are part of. We could not exist without everything else on the planet. At least at present time we couldn't. Anyway, irrelevant right now, it's far more relevant to realize that it's possible to understand and accept the logic of reality as opposed to escaping into a fantasy world that even justifies murder of other people and ownership and greed and all that crap that ruines intelligent coexistance. Anything that evaluates the quality of one race over another based on their belief is intolerable! However, while evolution appears to have been based on power and superiority when it comes to survival, it also gave us a strength that redefines what power and superiority means! Today it means to realize the meaning of colaboration by working together and exchanging as opposed to greed and exclusion! While the whole world may have been nothing but a cave-painting for millions of years, today we are but much more a complex piece of art with depth and control. Maybe it is just I, who refuses to believe that we are still at best a naive painting, but at least we should understand that it is our intelligence and our decisions, which are the brush for the masterpiece this world may become!

Goxo - 23

2007-01-02T22:24:00.000-08:00

What exactly might it mean

That this thing comes out of me

Without a thought or much control

I paint

I play

Some demon's bones

The fun it is - this endless fun

To play around with my own toy

I wished I could see others come

To share with me that Zborn Joy

(Oh god the cheese I really said it)

(Let's see if I will soon regret it)

The answer so far rather whispered

Carelessly has missed my ear

I'm waiting

Playing

Patiently

With mild thoughts of accute despair

But soon one person, one with strength

Will grap my precious and play himself

Or herself or with many friends

To spark in me a brand new sense

That nothing is or has been lost

Prost

(german 4 cheers)

By the way, below is the 10 minute photoshop sketch that became the above ZbornToy render! (took 5 min to set-up and 4 seconds to render!)

I've also started a new website for the Zborn-Toy only!

ZbornToy madness...

2006-11-27T03:44:00.000-08:00

Let me start this with a little "sigh"...

The ZbornToy is released now for about a month. The few artists, who decided to take a look at it more closely did discover some of the power of it. More so, they've discovered that it does open up a new world to them. But I can count them on my two hands. I know, I'm simply not a marketing kind of guy and I will have to do a lot more explaining, but at the same time I'm very sad that only so few even attempt to explore.

What happened to us?

Even now, after I've worked in this industry for such a long time and created things with so many tools, I'm still do blown away by what this tiny thing can make me do. Never has it been so easy to come up with genuinely new looks. Art and hope for art to return on such a beautiful and powerful medium as the computer have come to me with it. And I just can't accept that people don't at least feel the need to find out or have the tiny moment of patience to let themselves realize this.

How did I conceil its power?

I guess I should use more fancy taglines like: Sometimes great things come in little packages!

Anyway, this is my blog and I can write what ever I want to write, right?
So here is what I want to write:
CHECK OUT THE ZBORNTOY!
But don't just hook it up and dial around wildly! Check out the demo projects and explore the features. Play with them wisely!

Then THINK! Then FEEL! Then CREATE!

With great confidence I can tell you this, you will create wonderful things and you will feel the power it gives you! It's a little marvel, it really is!

Anyway...it's my little diary here...I so wish from the bottom of my heart, that one day soon I will look back at this and laugh. And when this happens, I most likely will shed a few tears, too. My ticket to create a new world of tools for artists may have arrived then.

2006-08-21T05:49:00.000-07:00

people

How very interesting, youtube allows adding videos to your blog... well... I'm very new to this, but here's my first go at it.

This is my "people" clip, originally made to showcase displacement, animation and what one can do with it featuring two pieces of software: pixologic's Zbrush and pmG's messiah:Studio.

More so, however, I felt that it was a fantastic opportunity to go beyond the technological aspect and make it into something a little more useful as inspiration!

Goxo - 022

2006-06-22T22:51:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time again, but I finally got around to make a funny little image in my quest to get our "ZbornToy" it's final varnish.

This has been another experiment with making landscapes, using Zbrush for the depth image and colormap and some image of clouds.

Once the three pieces are brought into AfterFX, ZbornToy pretty much does all the rest... playing with the lights and some fog. I actually made a set of animations, too, with the sun traveling a bit and wicked extra lighting effects. It's fun when each image renders in less than 8 seconds!

Here are some more images...

Goxo - 021

2006-03-08T16:53:00.000-08:00

Here's a new little sketch, which I called "Errect" and it's a direct response to all the amazing spam mail I get...it's normally not entirely pleasurable to deal with the annoyance, but this kind of gives it some purpose.

But to give it even more purpose I couldn't resist playing with our ZBtoy (Taronite's - Zborn Toy) for adobe's after effects, which is now approaching release state...hopefully within just a few weeks now. Although it's actually much more a 3d (2.5d) rendering tool, it's too freaky to play with 2d images in it! And although that really makes most sense to do with photographs it actually is a whole lot of fun doing it with funny sketches as well...here are a bunch of goof-arounds:

Harmless ZBtoying around

Wicked ZBtoying around

They are all scaled down to fit a few images on one screen, but in their original size they took roughly between 1 and 3 seconds per image. The ones that took the longest were computing refractions and caustix together with a shadow casting point light and environmental illumination. So all in all it's really a realtime rendering tool and the only real challenge that comes with it is to STOP PLAYING AROUND! I need to continue programming, otherwise the infamous Philipp is going to be angry with me!!!

All the above is of course absolutely nothing in terms of demonstrating the tool, but just a whole bunch of fun for me right now as I am getting ready to eat something... ...uh...that crazy good smell....my sweety is creating another masterpiece for lunch!!! =)

Goxo - 020

2006-03-03T19:42:00.000-08:00

Mushrooms

Growing on all that is rotten

Transforming what once was decayed

They rise to revive some time I had lost

And show right next to none

of all that I've made.

Hmm...this refers in some odd way to the exciting stuff I've done in the meantime, which I was going to post for a while now, but even now I've decided otherwise.

So, although I was very bad about posting anything to this pretty blog of mine (sure), it was not some meaningless neglect as I was initially anticipating.In fact I was itching and yerning to finally make a new thing to post (painting/render/anything).

BUT now I'm sneaking in this little painting that was halfway-done sitting around in the background for a while. AND right after that I will post a few curious things I've done with the great new tool I have conceived and perfected in a fantastic teamwork with Mr.Frischluft himself!

TOo much fun!

I will have to be careful to not making 20 posts at once, then, because it's so incredibly wicked that I'd almost dare to show as many different things one can do with it as possible... ...but that alone is somewhat impossible. Some of you may already know what I'm talking about, but for everyone else, I'll sustain just a little bit of the suspense!

HAHA...

..ha..

It's kinda wicked!

Goxo - 019

2005-11-30T22:29:00.000-08:00

Hellintalium

Yes, it's been a long time since my last post and a long time since I even sketched a new image for the "hell" of it. And that's just it. Not that it's some hellish time or any alarming trouble that could have motivated this, but it probably stands for my unreasonably long absence, regardless of why or how.

I couldn't go as far as saying I'd be back, but my intentions and urges make me pop my head up again and that's almost good enough.

While I'm at it, why not a little status report for my own records in terms of sleep-schedule: I'm so totally screwed up again!

However, I'm saying that directly on my way up again into a more acceptable rhythem...for what it's worth.

Goxo - 018

2005-10-01T18:07:00.000-07:00

Just found one of my very early Zbrush experiments again...I remember trying to make this simple type of sketch that shows off both character type of modeling things and landscaping at the same time and in such a way, that I could demonstrate doing that on stage...or at least give some explanations for it. I wasn't sure about the image, though, and think that I eventually dismissed it, knowing that I will do a lot stronger things with it than just some funny rigid sort of stone model. Somehow, now, I think it was kinda neat....simple but somehow appealing.

Ah, yes, here's the little demo image showing the actual 3d geometry underneath the displacement and what it looks like rendered. I really forgot about that...funny

Goxo - 017

2005-09-22T13:01:00.000-07:00

A little study I've made last night, entertaining enough to post it, I thought. It ended up feeling more purposeful than it actually has been, but that's just like it felt to wake up after only a few hours of sleep this morning. So here it is, yesterday's reflection on todays projection. Or should I reverse this? Anyway...

Goxo - 016

2005-09-21T19:16:00.000-07:00

Reapest

like an illness of a wish,

leading only to directions,

before the place that can't be seen

stands tall the wall so clearly felt.

light is shed, if dim or brightly

over places known so well.

if by choice or only slightly

it's this light to lead the way.

English? I don't know, I don't care, it's an impulse poetry coming basically nearly out of nowhere and therefore with a certain authority that I respect for some reason. As my success in changing life's rhythm to normal hours begins fading again, my morning sketches turn into afternoon sketches again. But at least I feel like I could be in control. A very welcome illusion!

Goxo - 015

2005-09-19T02:12:00.000-07:00

Just a little hair painting test...I do such things from time to time. Something I observe inspires me and I try to reproduce the system or trait I thought to have recognized. The character is just nonsense and not a portrait of any actual person, although it looks like a plausible and nightmarish caricature of possible daughter of mine, haha....please, don't let it ever match that one...and if, at least I have a present for her 30's birthday then...which might have to come with the inheritance by that time, I'm afraid.

(journal: well, it's past 2am in the morning despite the fact that I hardly drank two cups of coffee today...it's like I'm pulled into the night by some uncontrollable force...or a project that really costs me a piece of my spiritual well-being...who knows...)

Goxo - 014

2005-09-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

Fearless...and slightly cold, I would assume...goes he who is called "who am I" into the hazy maze of ambiguity found in the forest far far away from the outside world. Well...then...happy trails!

Goxo - 013

2005-09-13T03:47:00.000-07:00

I was going to be sleeping already, but why ever I've decided to keep rendering instead...I really don't exactly know. One thing's for sure: It wasn't for this crappy sketch. I'm too tired, which occasionally isn't too far from madness or other types of mental disfunctions. Curious, actually, because just before that sort of state a the illusion of a certain type of clearity appears to be liberating everything outside the current intellectual focus...whereby...rather spiritual focus at this hour...arite, before I'm losing it altogether...gnight...

Goxo - 012

2005-09-09T16:04:00.000-07:00

...inspired by a thought...

Just for a moment - stop asking questions about yourself! Ask a question about the next person you see, the next animal, next plant, rock or even piece of plastic near you. Use all the knowledge you have to answer the question yourself, too! And while you do that, just listen!

Goxo - 011

2005-09-08T18:21:00.000-07:00

Almost forgot about posting this...today's arbitrary unfinished landscape. I went on another imaginary exploration again and thought about mildly surreal elements, yet, I suddenly became too lazy and even went away from it...now I just thought "why not posting it as it is" and there it is...I might change it a bit later...

(journal purposes: woke up 11:00am...too late for my taste now, but yeah...OH, roasted green coffee beans for the first time, using popcorn popper, which instantly melted...but great coffee what shall i say!)

Goxo - 010

2005-09-06T15:02:00.000-07:00

A late morning accompanies a certain type of numbness, that somehow leads me into this arbitrary landscape mood, but still with enough motivation to sketch it out somewhat rapidly. I was spending more time looking at it for the purpose of composing at a different level of intuition. The previous sketch had a similar, whilest a lot more spontaneous motivation. This time I was actually spending an hour with the sketch. One that flew by in it's first and larger part and in the last minutes felt like it's dragging on. Anyway, it's just another exploration and I'm not yet entirely sure what new experience it gave to me. Probably due to the still present numbness....hmmm....nothing a few cigarrettes and coffees won't be able to fix....

Oh ja, I almost forgot, part of the study was inspired by a painting I recently saw at the Norton Simon Museum in Pasadena, which reminded me of my favorite approach to keep it all lose except for the major foreground element that is as tight as can be....kind of. It leads to a much more quickly composition and is a lot less concerning along the way, I think. Anyway...that's that...why would I get tired again now? Hmmm...maybe it is just a boring landscape after all...hehe...argh

edit: I woke up a lot happier today and felt like looking at that painting again just now and couldn't resist to adjust the tree a lot and also decided not to crop into the image...it's just a sketch for crying out loud, so what! =P

Goxo - 009

2005-09-01T16:24:00.000-07:00

Ah, I've gotten a little sloppy already and missed out to post something for all of yesterday, I think...hmm....it'll certainly become progressively less as the novelty factor of this blog fades away for me, but.... for now....here's one I just did!

(for journal purposes, I woke up 10am, which feels like is going to become the standart time for me, but I don't want it....I want to get back to 6am, which is far more beautiful. Again, I have to force some more discipline upon myself!)

Goxo - 008

2005-08-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

It's a late post for today, but I felt like doodling some more. This one is me giving up on trying to get much more sophisticated with my painting skills at this point. I just have to accept that my choices and abilities currently merely satisfy some cutezy children's book type of illustrations and that I probably would have to start looking at some reference for my stuff. I guess it's time for some more academical studies, but essentially only because I'm a bit to impatient to wait for my brain to evolve all by itself to any standarts forged over millenia. But, I shalt not patronize myself...NOOO...nono....it's all fun anyway. And, by the way, I'm not attempting to tickle out some reassuring comments, I'm writing this down for journal purposes and acknowledgement of my state for myself. I'm kinda looking forward to one day look at this and remember...ah...see..that's how it was, how funny - ha - ha. I think...

...but I'm having such a blast, after all. It's a privilege to be able to explore again and I'm enjoying it tremendously!

Goxo - 007

2005-08-29T09:25:00.000-07:00

The picture says it all...

Goxo - 006

2005-08-28T11:48:00.000-07:00

I've added the lonely snitzer into the foreground, but it only shows to me my impatience and lack of knowledge about all sorts of things including anatomy, shading, posing, composition....etc...etc..etc...but heck, gotta start somewhere...

This becomes truely somewhat like a journal. The confused days of out of control sleeping habits. 11am this morning. Anyway, here's the painting I had started yesterday, but didn't get around to finish. I still wanted to actually put a subject in there, because it is literally only a stage, but it's a curious study so far...

Goxo - 005

2005-08-27T12:35:00.000-07:00

Another sketch for today...this time 2.5d with some Zbrushing to it...I'm currently rendering to finish up a show I'm working on and that gives me some time to goof around, even if not a lot...but it's just the perfect type of gap to make some experiments with my favorite tools, using them in ways that I normally wouldn't...really fun, recreational and educational!

Goxo - 004

2005-08-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

Yet, another morning!

Whereby this one is somewhat insane...I woke up 2am and feel like my sense of sleep and wake rhythm is totally loose, wobbling from a hair thin tendon and covered in a slippery oil. BUT, I shall force myself into this thing called "normal life" in terms of night and day. Anyway, not entirely surprising, here's a new sketch that sort of illustrates my confusion as a result of yet another free flowing painting.

Goxo - 003

2005-08-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

Good Morning,

what a great start into another day of waking up early...
I've decided to make another little 2d speedpaint, which is a great way to start the day by freely letting the mind flow and just do what it wants to do! Why ever that's a weirdly distorted ear coming out of my mind, I wouldn't exactly know, but hey...what the heck! =}

And I hereby have decided to just drop the silly "stats" thing...I mean, who the heck really cares and I'm not racing against time or anything/anyone for that matter...uh, look how damn fast I do my shit...speaking of which, I think it takes about the same amount of time for me to do that than it does to do a painting of that kind and that simply doesn't say anything good about my health...hah...heh...it's a blog, I can say that, right?

Goxo - 002

2005-08-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

Amazing how much a silly thing like this blog stuff inspires quick little sketches made for the soul-purpose of being posted here...

...this morning is the first morning for a long time now, that I actually slept at night and woke up 6:30am. For the last few months I've been gradually drifting into a total reverse that made me to go bed at noon and wake up at night. Well, after this early success of switching back I feel refreshed and full of strange energy, as this little ZBrush sketch shows. Cheesy, but it certainly entertained me for about 2 hours. For the first time I actually used a curious model feature called "Zspheres", which I normally would ignore...but for a silly sketch like that it's actually pretty perfect. Unfortunately this guy's goin' nowhere from here, being nothing more than what you see...but there's a chance that soon it will be possible to turn this sketch into a workable geometry and animate'em....is he worth it? Probably not really, but damn what a great prospect...

Goxo - 001

2005-08-25T00:51:00.000-07:00

Alright, the big "why not"-factor had me scribble a sketch for this thing here. Inspired by the beautiful word "enkygoxo", here's my first blog-sketch.

What it took (Wit):

openCanvas1.1 (20min)

Photoshop CS (45min)

enkygoxo el taronium?

2005-08-24T15:50:00.000-07:00

I couldn't resist to use that "word"...hillarious..."enkygoxo"! It just must have a meaning of some kind. However, since I havn't ment to make a "blog" I will treat this very, very badly and probably abbandon it now already. I basically just wanted to comment on a friend's blog.... ...ah well, forced into blogging...hmm.... I might add some crazy stuff later!?

If you want to witness just how lazy my html habbits are, just go and visit my actual gallery. It's all about content and nothing about website pleasures...
http://www.taron.de