Monday, March 19, 2012

Daily Sketch No.13

A Moment of Clarity

Ever been in a dense crowd of people, trying to pass through against the stream? You'd feel elbow, hands, bags strafing across your back and by your side. You try to avoid the feet, look down and up and down again. You can barely make out where one person stops and another begins and feel there breath as you know they can feel yours, and all you want is to get through to the other side. Can you remember it, feel it?

As I begin to understand the soul, I feel like my mind is the crowd and madness tries to pass through to the other side.

I remember my moments of clarity, lifting me out of my sleep in the morning, holding me for what feels like a split second that lasts for 3, 4 or 5 of them. And I see this, what you can see up there. It happened a few times. I would see the human body almost like a living diagram, like an explanatory illustration, trying to show me what we are, what is me, that it is composed as such. A machine, not cold, but practical and well conceived. But a machine. And I always thought; fine, yes, I know, I guess, that's significant, I'm sure, but...I feel it, I feel this disconnect, but what does it mean? What does it mean?

Then I had a longing for it. I wanted this very vision again, but part number two, the sequel, please, because there must be more, I know there is. If I could only hold this powerful, cleansing clarity just long enough to attain some lasting understanding from it. When it happens, all I feel is that I know, but I don't know what is that I know.

Ever since I felt that I was life, that upon it's outta shell I grew but like a fruit on it, the mushroom with two eyes, witnessing the glory of its splendor and working on behalf of its creator amongst billions of us manifestations. And I, life, will not cease until the day our task is done. Not that of this fruit that these two eyes would see in the mirror, but many cycles from now and I felt at peace. Great peace. But I was life, as far as I knew. And from this day on, more than ever before, I struggled deeply with this dreadful word that kept haunting me, like a numb spot that itches far beneath the skin and no matter how much you want to find out where it is so that you can scratch it, but you can't, you just can't find it. And thus was the word, the "soul", which was taunting me, closing my eyes towards it, like I am meant to, but just cannot understand it.

And then, only a few days ago, I can't even tell, it feels like yesterday, it finally snapped. A door cracked open just enough. And as I reached for it, it virtually exploded. I am not life. I am from and to all of the universe, I am created, not formed and will end when time will end, beyond the existence of life itself. I am a soul. Life is our metropolis and its fruit, the body, it is our instrument, our machine, our priceless and powerful vessel. And we, the driver, we carry out the mission that can only be solved within the riddle solving masterpiece that is the realm of matter. Our very purpose is to act on behalf of God, the mighty Infinite, that which is beyond us and who's wisdom glows as our substance, who will reclaim us and all when the riddle is solved and the immense streams of consciousness swing in harmony to continue the Divine Being only to forge yet another finite universe. And another. And another. And bestowed on us is the power to navigate in a world as complex as our collective consciousness and more. Each of us gains wisdom as a soul, while all knowledge, all memories vibrate through the motions of the Divine seed as it makes its rounds to manifest what we call reality. Time and space are but the byproduct of the dimensions the seed creates and not a thought is lost within it. Like phantoms we streak through it and fill bodies from within the womb until the day of departure.

It is not me, this body, but it is my responsibility. And all that I learn, through all that I do and all that I think, it feeds the wisdom of me, the soul, the driver. And this wisdom will determine which vessel will most fittingly continue its growth, be it but a fish or a prince, or just an artist as I find myself to be now.

My clarity, it showed to me my machine. My precious instrument. A gift, powerful but fragile, able but wanting, living and dying. And we are at its mercy, too. It feeds us more than we feed it. I feel like we are really this fragile stream of near immortality, blind towards the truth for all the right reasons, because as long as we don't understand, we may misunderstand and find us trapped in an endless loop of stagnation as we surrender to the seemingly endless toil and suffering of being alive. Yet, that which corrupts us through the tempted flesh is the biggest gift of them all, that we not only know of love, but feel it. That we don't just reason all by itself, but sense it, experience the joy of understanding, the warmth and jumpy joy within us when we finally realize something, when we experience life, when we experience our own skills and when we meet our brothers, sisters, friends and lovers, parents, neighbors, community and everything we touch upon a wish. And then.... then there is faith.

Now faith, I always thought, is the thought that something has our back, when things don't seem to make sense or that, if we do right or at least try, the Most High will appreciate it and we've done well. That those, who act based on that very same faith, knowingly or not, will link with us, naturally, when such moment comes. I felt, that for most people faith is for them, like a personal measure to find some peace and trust on their own behalf. But now I think something slightly different. I believe, Faith is for God, not for us. I have faith that what God wants us to accomplish, even though we don't know at all what this really is, it will work out, if we do what we learn within ourselves, or actually within our bodies, about what we can do. Our Spirit. The mind itself is not us, but a part of our body, a part of the instrument. And all these parts carry within the Spirit, the lot we pulled in order to perform our worldly duties. Great many of them are around and a good collection is part of everyone's tasks. The majority of them, nearly all of them, are only there for the material world to function. And the feedback of our actions teaches us, the soul.

It is not "our" soul. We are the soul, but it is our body and it belongs to life.

And madness giggles, chuckles, grins as it strafes through the windings of my mind, tickles with its spiky little fingers, 22 of them and one for good measure. Can I stay within my skin and apologize to life for all that I am doing to this finely tuned marvel of an instrument, so decent, so nimble, so complicated and I am permitted to control so much of it.

Or AM I? ...that's the pinky's pinky of madness flicking me, provoking me.

How much do I really control of my body. I'm asking it to do something, but as "finely tuned" as it seems, and it is quite amazing, it still can't just do it. First I try to make my mind comprehend and translate all that I want it to do or write or say. Then my mind has to dig through its memories or access to memories and process those. Then all the rest kicks into gear, hoping that the right word comes out of my mouth or my finger hits the right key. Hoping that I won't hit the door frame as I run to the toilette, because 5 coffees late I have lost all my motor skills from holding it in. SO... where's the sense of humor then? I think it is in fact the soul that laughs. The mind receives a curious information and tries to translate it for the soul, but it's all a jumbled mess. Until it finally kicks in and gets it and the sudden joy of body and soul turn out laughter. So, yeah, I think a real laughter comes actually straight from the soul. Maybe all sounds we can make with our body that are not words are much rather a direct communication from our soul. Hmmm.... MADNESS. madness.

But Clarity told me so, tried for so long. And now, who am I to deny this revelation. Welcome to earth, your liver's fine and you got lucky this time, you've got decent eyesight.

Love to you all.

Body of Timur on behalf of Taron, the soul.

Daily Sketch No.11

What is this thing?

The castle of chaos, the birth of desire at a stage high above simplicity. The realm of marks, claiming superiority, piercing the skin it promises, slicing its own growth to multiply, to test itself, to mature the deformity of rage and look at what seizes its space. Where is this fallen phantom begging from? What was the end of what it was and when was wanting sharper than possession? Maybe when clarity collapses, darkness that is in its bones condenses into such absurdity. And through its thorny branches, limbs, extremities, it hurls around without direction, toiling without goals beyond itself, trapped in finite agony, since lingering within is known the nature that, rebelled against, prevails in swelling harmony to leave but shadows of the horror that is the moment squashed before a leap, the pressured blood that fills the paddles up to pop into the flower of reception. Yet, at times, the shell encrusts, it stiffens, hardens, calcifies, it crackles not from breaking, but from violent betrayal felt as price for the deception that the ease of constant flow would not require such a stage, such a period of anguish that uncovers only structures of everything as nothing that finds touch or transpiration, no dissolving of the spires that like bars beyond all comprehension weaves itself as but a cage of layers upon layers with not a letter to be spotted, not a fire, black nor white, not a shimmer of perfection only specs of scattered light until...

...our eyes resume to open and our lashes part away. The morning sun reveals, yet, just another day. A new one, fresh, virgin with its thin veil of innocence and pregnant with discoveries, recoveries, relief and stimulation. A strong and powerful day with strong and powerful light not just from the heavens, but from the inside. Because it needed to be strong, the light, the nature that was pushing, pressing, breathing to break free form the cocoon of a nightly fight to process all the things from yesterday. And yesterday was big right before it got deflated to give room and air and fire to the growing light of Now.

Daily Sketch No.10

Fractal Nature of Existence, the Torah and Humanity

Just because it's difficult for us to recognize it doesn't mean it is not true. This sentence went through my head over and over again as I was painting away on the above scribble. Not only because I kept losing sight of what I was doing there, but because it's a common problem for our readiness to surrender a thought we have difficulties to follow along with as it becomes more and more complex.

My suggestion is to follow for as long as it is possible and then apply what we've learned back towards more simpler sections of it and the things that seem to belong to that easier form. Not only can we rest more easily there, but we can recognize more of its nature based on what we've experienced beyond that point.

This is how I am reading scripture and it turns single sections into vastly more complex revelations, shows a certain fractal depth of its meaning. Once another layer becomes clear or even just clearer, I can follow along this very layer into parts that previously appeared rather obscure and a veil is lifted or at least becomes more and more see-through, so to say.

Esau and Jacob, Edom and Israel. They are another great moment to begin recognizing the fractal nature of not just the Torah, but existence in form of mankind or at the level of it.

If you look at the Torah as a description of the Self, the growth as a single being and the periods one has to go through along with its specific traits or defining moments, you can recognize that Esau and Jacob represent character traits we all have in common. Depending on our choices we may favor one over the other, but ultimately only one can truly rule at a time.

Esau, Edom stands for materialism, selfishness, greed, envy, ignorance with a yearn for permission, since the universal understanding always deposits its information inside of us, whether we accept it or not and we know that selfishness and all the above traits are not righteous or beneficial to the whole and we abandon our intended purpose, possibly even corrupting the process and thereby voiding our function as being. However, it still is tethered to our means to survive and the Self, even if overemphasized in that form, remains holy and our duty to respect and nourish.

Jacob, Israel stands for awareness, altruism, conscious need, generosity and connection to our divine origin and divine goals with a yearn to be forgiven for ones mistakes in the process of learning and the challenges that come with all the decisions that are to be made, even if their righteous nature may require a judgement of our own. This is where Jacob and Esau meet and revisit their positions toward each other.

To fight and kill each other would destroy the vital Self that is shared between the two, the holiness of it. Edom remains an impulse to everyone of us, but Israel needs to prevail so that we may continue toward a destiny we all share and that was given to us by divine origin, that was determined at our conception and handed to us at our birth. It is the Spirit within, our major ability, trait, desire to perform as part of the whole. It defines our activity beyond procreation, even if that sounds a little funny. If everyone of us was ready to recognize the personal Spirit within and acknowledge gratefully the Spirit within others, we would create and maintain a most powerful society.

And this is where the fractality of it all becomes interesting and probable. If you look at the way in which fractals leap from one layer of complexity to the combined higher layer, composed of a multitude of those prior complexities, one may argue that the land of Israel is the fractal equivalent to ones own destiny, elevated to an entire people. But all the traits that one has to uphold for oneself would equally apply to such a nation. As we have to invite and deal with others kindly and wisely and demonstrate our understanding for the need to thrive in all of us towards a common goal, so does the Jewish nation have to observe the same and invite the inhabitants of this land as alien bothers, and deal with them as they'd deal amongst themselves. Favoring the self is a trait of Edom, not of Israel. Righteousness is not a birthright, but a lifelong commitment and it is to be upheld at all times towards everybody. If there is a transgression recognized, it requires support and not condemnation until all other means fail and even then it is yet about finding a solution that still honors the existence of the other and helps it into an integration that is not detrimental to the whole or even beneficial in some other way. The Jewish nation is not automatically righteous, as I've said already, and it need only to open the Torah to find out again that a failure to recognize the significance of its mission will lead to exile again and again.

Israel is, as far as I believe now, a symbol to all of mankind for everyone's own righteous destiny and the need to groom it with a constant awareness of our divine mission as both the Self and the Whole of us. Further more I tend to believe that our fulfillment of this symbol will enter and turn the key to a gate into a divine time for all of mankind. We will recognize that all our labor, all our toil will heighten our encounter with all the love and happiness on the other cup of the scale. We will use our ingenuity to sanctify our Spirit and heighten our powers, nourishing the genuine traits of ours to rise to the greatest heights of our human potential and provide a world and a wisdom to our coming generations that will idealize the process of our fulfilling of the divine purpose. We cannot know the wonders that await us, but we can imagine the joy it would be for us to truly do what we were given to want on the deepest level and not corrupted by shallow whims. Together we may build the next temple to the Infinite and recognize what this actually means to us.

Everyday we linger in the shadow of human might, we disrespect and neglect the divine powers that are offered to us in the light. And as this applies to each single one of us, so does it apply to the lot of us in the fractal nature of existence.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Daily Sketch No.9


Wow, I have to gather myself and focus a bit more than normally to formulate this not just to you but to myself, since it is both very complicated and very exciting to me. Please, allow me and bear with me to take you along the progression of my thoughts. This is an observation about Astrology and Astrotheology and the terracentric perception, which only represents the localized manifestation of God's method. But before I proceed I feel like I should add a little preface:

I believe to be a servant of the Infinite, as I believe this to be true for all of us. I approach this with both utmost humility and utter arrogance as I beg to understand and assume to having been given the faculties to receive. It is not me processing information, but carving away layers of simplified acceptance that rule our actions within the material manifestation of the divine process. Behind those layers I hope to encounter shapes of the grand construction, the forming structure of the Infinite. I hope to recognize aspects of it that help me recognize reliable patterns, which illuminate our own mode of operation and allow me to optimize it in order to become the best servant I can be and share a useful revelation so that you can find an inspiration to do the same based on a somewhat unified recognition of the divine method, universally applicable. This is my journey and as such it shall be ongoing until the expiration of my vessel and with some hope that, should it not end conclusively, it may pick up again in a future privilege to explore with the vessels to come. I hereby ask for your forgiveness for the immaturity of my observations and for your help through participation in order to refine them. I also, as I always do, ask for the forgiveness of the Most High, that I dare explore Its nature and hope to be given an insight into the Divine. My only goal is to realize the best possible way to function as we were intended to for the Eternal Being. I am tremendously grateful for the joy of each revelation, whether it is useful by pointing into the right direction or eliminating another by being a mistake. Love and joy are the feedback of both and don't necessarily represent the right answer, but the righteous approach.

Nothing is a coincidence.

A while ago I came to the conclusion that no original scripture, no original religion is wrong. Every single one would represent an approach for us to observe divine guidance and fulfill our purpose for the divine. I saw it as a kind of guinea-pig concept, since one could eventually try to dominate another and so forth. Which implies that it's quite possible that one approach is more effective than another. But, while this may still be a valid way of perceiving the on-goings of human civilization, I now come to believe that it's a matter of Astrological aspects of the Divine Method. Meaning, in the Beginning, each nation, each group of people have received a general understanding, related to where they were placed in relation to the local constellations. This is not a mambo-jumbo magic order of organization, but it simply represents the place and time within the process of recovering or reconstituting the divine structure. It is an organized phenomenon. While we read it and interpret it, we read and interpret a truth far beyond our general acceptance. And while the planets and heavenly bodies determine even detailed aspects about our existence, they are still subordinates of lesser complexity than we are.

Imagine a taxi. The planets would be the car, humanity would be the driver and the messenger or element to the divine structure is the passenger. The destination is most important for everyone, because without it there would be no reason to exist for any of the participants. Then comes the passenger, without whom there would be no need to be a taxi. Then comes the driver, without whom the taxi wouldn't be driven. Then comes the car...

And each planetary system in the universe represents a different vehicle for this taxi. There will still be a driver and there's always the passenger and the destination is the same for the entire finite universe.

This means, even though the entire Earth is identifying the specific planets as deities or the definition of the divine in one way or another, it is not the universal truth, but actually the local constellation relative to Earth. Other pieces of the divine structure are to be found elsewhere and are identified by their local constellations. And even if another planet within our very own solar system would become the next place of recovery, Earth itself would become part of its constellation. Therefore a terracentric view is never wrong, just not universal in any rigid form. But aspects of it, like the method behind it is universal.

This is but one tiny piece of the puzzle, or rather one giant tiny piece of the puzzle, but this piece of the method may be also found at all fractal levels, scales and it would be interesting to find a repetition of it within us somehow, maybe within different kinds of living cells? However, my point was to demolish the limitations exerted by a purely terracentric perspective, which has always made religion such an enemy of science. Science realized the tremendous amount of objects in the universe and easily lost the ability to assume that life could be unique only to earth. Life on earth is as unique as each one of us is to the other. While we pursue a purpose locally to our part of space, the very same method puts all other localities in space to that very same purpose in its unique ways to provide its unique segment to the Divine Structure of the Infinite. Each at its own stage in its own place.

Therefore as species we may well be alone in the universe, but as servant to the Most High we are most certainly not. Yet, I am in no place to claim certainty about anything and want to apologize for my hubris. I merely follow my heart and let it speak freely, somewhat naively as well. But I am you in the unexplored form, only expressed through the channel where this "me" is found in the universe, and I offer myself wholeheartedly to us for better or less with all hopes for the best.

Thought about Sanskrit number symbols and the universe

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 ...and a waking moment returned back home.
The universal pulsation is the cyclic behavior of the universal singularity, the "matter" of the Infinite. For every moment of existence it has to go through all dimensions to arrive at the highest- or only unfulfilled- dimension and return back to the origin in defeat, or rather temporary satisfaction. The motion of the singularity has no speed, since time does not exist to the Infinite, but within the motion of this singularity, time is the difference between chaos and order. And as we move from chaos to order this time passes. When order is found, the finite realm that came into existence will end as such and become another active conduit of the Infinite.
Imagine each dimension the singularity has to go through as representing a form based on blocks made of the previous dimension. Each block of the previous dimension has a specific character, but varies gradually in form. It is really, really difficult to imagine, nearly impossible, so it requires rather a certain acceptance, once you get the basic idea and can allow yourself to extrapolate. And I believe that the Sanskrit numbers try to give you this basic idea and continue on through the entire process.
I'm offering you now my sudden, channeled and original set of ideas about the possible meaning of the Sanskrit number symbols and the amazing possibility to link it to a dimensional build and illustrate the incredible complexity of it by such simple symbols. As I consider this an inspiration myself, I hope you, too, can find it inspiring in some way or maybe you can offer an actual historic background to the original meaning behind the symbols. I can't imagine they're just fancy notches to count stuff.
The Zero, a circle, DIMENSION 0
It could be looked at as infinity, being a circle, but it could be looked at as the basic motion of the singularity, producing the basic unit of the universe through it's rotation. The universal brick, if you will.
The One, a circle in its first motion, DIMENSION 1
It could be looked at as a sperm, impregnating existence, but it could also be looked at as the basic unit repeating itself into a direction, moving, translating the center of rotation for the first time.
The Two, the motion changing directions, DIMENSION 2
It could be looked at as a zoomed out motion of the basic unit, now not just going into one direction, but leaving the straight line which previously looked like spiraling into just one direction. Now it makes an arc.
The Three, repeating the arc of the Two, DIMENSION 3
We can now see that while the 0 was the basic rotation, the 1 was the repetition of the rotation into one direction and the 2 was the repetition of moving into one direction going off into other directions, now comes the 3, which repeats the motion of the 2. The little tail always seems to suggest continuation from the lower dimension or number in this case.
The Four, mirroring motions, DIMENSION 4
After the basic three behavioral traits, building the basic construction of the aether, now comes the first degree of complexity, introducing the meaning of space, a pattern on the left mirroring into the right. The basic spiraling helix forms. It also represents a second 0, actually, because it is the beginning of the higher numbers.
The Five, further complexity, DIMENSION 5
Now we are introduced to the motion of the motion of the motion and so on, suggesting that the complexity rises still. The already complex pattern of the Four is being bent to introduce yet more potential. Here we have the number Two of the higher numbers. One is skipped, because the concept of motion had been established then already.
The Six, The Heavens, DIMENSION 6
At this point it gets truly esoteric, I believe. This is the Three of the higher numbers and it is the formation of the heavens, the foundation of the counterpart to what will guide the material world once it gets to it.
The Seven, The Below, the material world, DIMENSION 7
Based on the form and content of the heavens, the material world is being found. A line from above circles into what becomes the material realm. It also representing a Zero, as it is the beginning of our existence the way we normally experience it.
The Eight, Scouring for Order, The Harvest, The Inquiry, DIMENSION 8
It gets a bit shaky here, not like I wasn't fishing above already, but now I'm a little at a loss, because this is a bit empty a shape. Feels like the loss of connection, maybe free will?
The Nine, The Return to the Infinite, DIMENSION 9
The End of grant loop, returning back to the origin, once the finite world is completely formulated it returns back to Zero to start anew.
This process is constantly ongoing, it is the construction of existence, coming into being until finally the structure of the infinite is established and this universe ceases to be in chaos. Chaos is the limited time, the finality and entropy. Once the divine structure is fulfilled, time has no function anymore and we, and our existence, is reintegrated into the Infinite.
Now, all of the above is just a strange spark that just came over me. I don't even know exactly how, but I think it was triggered by... oh no, that's it, I thought about the basic unit of the universe. If there was a matrix, how is it quantized, or is it quantized. And I realized that the first loop of the singularity may well be this very unit. Then I realized that the number Zero is a loop. I first thought about the Hebrew letters, but only know 1 through 9, not 0. Aleph, Bet, Gimmel, Dalet, Hei...and so forth. Where's the Zero? So then I thought, maybe Sanskrit holds the answer, since it has 0 and it happens to be a circle. The rest you see above... :o)
Please, by all means, if you know more or imagine more, go ahead and come swim with me, the water's just fine! 8)

Daily Sketch No.8

Here we are, wielding the power of creation within us at every moment, wake or nether. The larger we grow, the greater a fool we are. If only the white fire could be felt. Yet we are damned to merely look at it. Or is it only I, is it me I see like such, a fool with freezing cold a touch, staring into my own imagination with but half a nature, once a mind, twice desire, thrice the hope?

I am ashamed of myself when I seek pleasure in revelation, because the temptress never fails to rise; prideful joy. But it's pleasure I find in it, I can't help it, so easy to forget what I was looking for, forget where I was looking for it, shaking my head in hopes to shed the caked on fun it's been to bathe in the magic of an axiom with markers pointing many ways into journeys around, through and to the ultimate truth all without uttering but a whole word of it. Funny how we can walk the earth as truth ourselves and can't see it neither in each other nor in the the mirror. No X-Ray could reveal it either, no device of any kind other than our transcendable self, rising through our mind beyond the great reef of mundane practicality. There, deep outside and high inside we can and may find a source of cause that makes us understand where beneath- within our worldly mind- we can find the meaning for our actions and rely on the vessel with a firmer touch from our soul. Does the mind touch the soul, the soul touch the mind? Which ever way, this best be the reason to seek, but it's probably best to beware of the temptress and not digress without a trail of crumbs.

Mysteries on Mysteries

We are a mystery, dwelling in mysteries through which we want to understand the mystery of ourselves. Forgive me, if I choose to write a bit of a moody post today, but when I listen to astrotheology and what's left of our history, a picture forms that reveals in some ways how nothing fundamentally new has been discovered, which should really be the greatest discovery of all.

I think I might have mentioned it before, but the most profound discovery should be the consistency of the "divine" method that reveals itself in form of a pattern, which shows up over and over again. If we were able to elaborate in greater detail the traits of this pattern, we may only have to formulated outside of any scale, or by means of one single scale, and we can understand mechanisms at all scales. This way we would "crack" the code of material existence and could isolate that which is material and that which truly matters instead. I do firmly believe that all of our finite universe is merely the means to an end and that the force that gave it origin is also the recipient of its fulfillment.

But we are not asked to understand the whole. We are not meant to rise or ascent before the end of days. We are given all the controls and mechanisms we need already and are asked to perform what we may call our duties with them. It is only when we stray from the real duties, that we begin to spot a problem. And thus we seek for guidance, for an answer outside of the present leadership, the current paradigm, elsewhere, beyond all that. We hope to find our true roots, our purpose, a rational that permits us to be excluded from the false rule we're under. This could be consciously temporary, seeking answers and knowing to return confidently into our material realm of operation, while others associate the material realm as the mistake that we had to encounter in our present condition and believe there's nothing good to return to, drifting off completely into the spiritual realm and rendering themselves dysfunctional for our purpose. And since dissatisfaction was the reason to depart from "reality", a lack of true satisfaction drives them further and further into immaterial contemplation, hoping that the meditations could become deeper and deeper to eventually find the true source of light and hoping that it would reveal all the lies and contrivances that confine us by showing us a truth instead, hailing down to break the dried up crust of greed and hunger and freeing us to ascent, aiming straight at the end of days.

But that's not where the answer is at.

Yes, the answer is indeed within ourselves, but much like the spores of a fungus, this revelation has to come to all of us, or enough of us, before it can finally sprout and break through the shell of submission that has us accept all the harm that is being offered and done to us. We have to recognize and embrace our ability to adapt, to recognize circumstances and act according to our full set of mental faculties, including instinct, intuition and intellect. Yes, there's a single source of light that starts to shine, warm and brightly bringing clarity to our decisions and allowing us to withstand odds and embrace opportunities, and this light we call "Love". There are hints in all religions as to what it means and non of them are wrong, even if misunderstandings led to very wrong representations of them. And many times it has gotten twisted around, this "love", not making us understand what the love of god or love for god really represents. Instead of realizing that god is our life through the very method, through his "wisdom" that builds our existence and therefore our truly conscious actions, guided by love, are the actions of god's wisdom, religion has god lifted outside of ourselves as some external force which we won't ever understand and therefore have to take the word of a church for it and don't we dare doubt it- therefore, if you care to understand, you're on your own, then, and that's not a place inside the community, they say. It's a bit sneakier than that, but it seems to be the upshot. And much like the church overtly, so does the government. It tells us that we are not capable of making the right decisions in regards to our communities, because we are lacking oversight and must therefore rely on the rules that are being made over our heads, which come down if we were to break them. But we do get some candy for being obedient, in fact, we even get pampered and tickled and played with, which becomes the "only good thing" in our lives and since we don't know how to handle the rest, we better not fight the rest, otherwise we might lose the candy.

Self importance.

Yes, there is more than one paradox in our existential foundation. We are programmed to wanting to survive, but made to know of our death. We are asked to be altruistic, but need to recognize our own importance. We are forced to showcase our traits, but will be corrupted by pride. We're given pleasure to procreate, but are corrupted by that pleasure. We're given joy to play, but agonize in toil. We're meant to maintain, but made to progress and change.

Only when we unravel the mystery of these paradoxes, we can begin to find the balance that we are able to hold and that will give us the rails for the most powerful momentum we can achieve. And then we have to begin to accept. Before then there's too little to accept. We are mysteries, dwelling in mysteries.

A Bold Sketch

Today I want to write down a rather bold sketch, a thought that dawns on me as I keep reading the Torah. Something keeps bothering me. Since I have already read all the stories through the Old Testament, which kept ringing inside of me, reading the Torah with its greater originality and increased clarity, so finds the ringing a more and more discernible note, or notes for that matter.

I know, what I'm about to write is a bit extreme, maybe, and might be somewhat familiar, yet, just as utterly hypothetical as most thoughts about all this as far as I can tell.

What if the Torah tries to illustrate to us the human being and through it the nature of and similarity to the universe. It's chronology is the conception and lifetime of a single human being. All the makings, trials and triumphs a life represents.

The beginning until the flood is our time within the womb. From the first conception through the gestation until finally the water breaks and we get born, naked, like drunken falling into the mercy of a blanket. As we grow we begin to try being obedient, questioning, but ultimately compelled to understand and accept guidance even beyond our understanding, since we do not yet know ourselves.

As we begin to recognize ourselves, we share our truth without hesitation and are able to love without condition, but forces grow within us that will ultimately lead to rebellion, even if they yet lay dormant.

At some point we recognize that our obedience leads to duties that we grow weary of. We begin to see that our will is burdened by those duties and we seek a way out of them, even while we do not yet know what we really want, the shape and nature of our will.

And as we break the chains of our bondage, we drown the forces that had bound us and break free, even without a proper orientation.

Until one day we receive our first big revelation, the one that gives to us our values and their explanation, our morals and their explanation and our laws and their explanation. At the same time we get to see our origin and our upbringing and turn our original destiny, which had been with us from early on, into a sacred shrine, sealed as if known and not known at the same time. Within it is our future, even if its definition still grows around it, radiates from it progressively and adaptively.

And the trials of the time of our awareness begins. We learn all the things around us, from natural laws and physical phenomenal to psychological observations, social developments and organization to even the metaphysical aspects, triumphs that encompass all and fail if they did not.

And at the end we place our hope into our children, whom we brought up with all our virtues and iniquities, involuntarily and intentionally, yet with all the best wishes for them to understand and pursue their very own destiny, holding true to all the right values and open to face of the ever changing, ever spiraling cycle of life.

We are born in a paradise not of our own making and seek to turn our destiny into our paradise. Israel is but a figure of destiny and not a right nor a possession. Even the Torah hinted to this fact, but not enough to enable a recognition of the transcendence of its use. Because destiny is the blurry target of our spirit, who has us spend a lifetime trying to bring it into focus, it never belongs to us, but our spirit carries us there and has us roam through it. And such as many spirits share the same area, nobody can take possession of it, because it belongs to all, who share the spirit and allows us to function for a greater plan beyond ourselves.

Jonah vs. Atlantis

Just a brief thought about a pattern in scriptures, borrowing from prior records and stories.

I wonder, if the Jews borrowed the story of Jonah from ancient accounts of a great teacher emerging out of the mouth of a fish, coming from the ocean, giving instructions on how to run society and other advanced philosophies to tribal cultures around the world.

I've just listened to a Manly P. Hall lecture about Atlantis, which included references of a man, either in a fish suit, or coming out of the mouth of a fish, and do all of the above. Depictions of it are found all over the world, apparently. Even Babylon was a recipient of knowledge through this character and the priesthood took on the fish design, carried until today with the fish head hat of the pope, for example.

Anyway, in the Torah the story of Jonah seems to illustrate a very similar situation, including the teaching of the city of Nineveh. He came out of the fish's mouth (being vomited out for that matter, haha) and went to the great city of Nineveh, where he instructed the people of the way of the Lord, telling them that if they were not acting righteously, they'd be doomed.

Previously I came to a different conclusion about the parable, which I still hold on to to some degree. The core of the story illustrates that God's influence or rather control is absolute on anything, the logic that has been setup by creation is unchallenged by everything, except humans. Humans are somewhat beyond this pure control and are permitted to act on "freewill", having to find solutions adaptively. Ever since my model (please, don't sigh!) I see our function to find a relevant combination of the divine code (DNA) by virtues beyond our freewill, or rather beneath it, and the ability to decide is merely there to allow us to fulfill this task on top of a highly complicated foundation that requires adaptive behavior and more.

Thus God explains to Jonah that he only tries to teach humanity, but does not control us. He controls the winds, the oceans, the plants and the creatures, but we are left to our own devices to figure out what to do only by his guidance, if we understand to accept it. Then it will guarantee or help us to survive. If we do not accept the guidance, we'd be doomed or- put in another way- useless.

His example is the bush at the end of the story. God lets a bush grow over the resigning Jonah. Jonah is happy about the bush that suddenly appeared, saving him from the burning sun and providing him with fruit to eat. But the next day the bush is gone and Jonah is angry about it. God asks him, why he would be angry about the bush. He didn't do anything for the bush to appear, but got mad once it was gone. He then mentions Nineveh, likewise it was not God, who made Nineveh, but men and it was a blessing that they could accomplish such feat. But when they started to become corrupt, God got mad and needed to do something. As they repented, there was no reason to destroy them anymore. His teachings were successful and the best he could hope for, so to say.

I don't think the core of the message changes, even if we transpose it to more ancient times, as the story could've been told with the same essence and the same effect regardless as to where it took place, or who was the messenger. But peculiar it is non the less.

Maybe I'll draw a little sketch later to go with this, haha, sorry about that... :o)

Daily Sketch No.7

Always remember the source!

There's always this moment, when enlightening strikes, and we are sent on a path with a new method, a new understanding and with new strength. It gives us confidence and we layer moments of strengths around it, gathered through our abilities to make use of this enlightenment until we eventually identify ourselves with it. It seems to have become us. But it is a very dangerous and fragile moment, when we begin to rely on our virtue and not our understanding. In these moments it is so very important to remember the source, the moment it came to us and all the circumstances. If you can find the voice of the source, transport it along the path it had you take all the way until today and know, it's never been just you. You've been given the privilege to hear, see and recognize with greater clarity, but unless you use remembrance to clean the layers of experiences you're putting on over time, this sight may dim.

I come to this, because as I'm reading the Torah I come across Abraham and Jacob, both experiencing trials against their virtue before entering into the most important stage of their actions. These trials seem to stand for humbling oneself before the actual power that gave them those virtues, so to say. They should not forget the purpose and mistake themselves for being or becoming an unblemished idol. Their virtue is for mankind in service of God and God does not require those virtues for Itself.

I'm still very much embracing the wisdom that is found in it, despite my slightly rising anger against the false pride the Torah can nurture in Israelites and the blindness against all of mankind far beyond the horizons of Europe and the middle East.

Anyway, just a quick sketch today again. I'm so very much looking forward to being done with my current project so I can dedicate more energy and focus into this wonderful morning ritual.

Daily Sketch No.6

Imagine yourself born and ride beneath a facet of a rotating crystal. When you look out, you see the world, the universe and the reflection of its source through it undistorted as far as you had ever known. But the crystal is clear, even to its inside. And you can see other people, other nations, other cultures, sitting beneath their facets, looking out at all the same things you see as the crystal rotates. But when you look through their facets, nothing looks the same anymore. Some of it is similar, then it's only colors and and through the many edges some light might never reach your eyes. But it does reach the eyes of those beneath their facet and it is the very same light that you know as your life, your source, your sight.

Nobody ever really sees the same place at the same moment, but everybody revolves within the infinite, and its face cares not for time, nor place and shines the same around all of us. If we share what we see with each other, we may get to see the finite as we see the infinite. It is non of our place to dispute the vision of existence through anybody's facet, but to respect it and embrace, knowing of its sincere account.

But just as the true goodness is everywhere, even if we can't immediately recognize it clearly, undistorted, true wickedness is everywhere as well. Who ever strives for the center of the crystal may never get an undistorted view to the content of the finite's womb.

I'm writing all this, because as I'm reading the Torah, I sense an isolation about its recipients, nurturing clarity through the facet above them, but progressively neglecting the beings and sights throughout the entire crystal. I will have to learn more to see where and when it alerts them that it begins to focus away from the entirety of creation, but thus far I can only conclude that it's hidden enough to be unavailable to those, who don't care to sense the contraction. Wisdom and powerful teachings are found everywhere within it, but so is refraction and the rising of its index with the index of each page.

Daily Sketch No.5

Another day of greater quiet, squeezing out a daily sketch just to turn this into a ritual. I asked for the above to reveal itself and it laughed right back at me with this picture. Going fishing in the heavens leaves the world a blur. No matter how much light descends on us, unless we focus on the whole, all we see are the clouds and the patterns we try to recognize in them.

So, I shall find focus for today. 8)

Daily Sketch No.4


who speaks when I speak

who's me, who's it

who protects, who corrupts

for vanity and fear

who is seeking, who makes claims

to pretend securities

whose love radiates without condition

whose desire creates them instead

who longs for truth with balance and contentment

who seeks weight to one's own side

is it me who loves the journey

sharing joyfully a light

or is it sneaky



corrupted shame in form of


Daily Sketch No.3

Good Morning, everyone!

Yesterday, as I was walking to the city, I saw a lot of people an my way, as it is quite common here in Split.

When I was reading the Bhagavad-Gita, I felt some deep joy seeing them, a sense of connection, like we all are in the embrace of Krishna, so to say, and all the hierarchy of the realms beyond where we are. It wasn't so much that I accepted the teachings verbatim, but it's been the feeling they somehow encouraged.

When I started reading the Old Testament, just having been through Numbers, I believe, I sensed a deep alienation instead. I started to feel a curious fear sneak up on me, like everyone was a potential enemy. It bothered me a great deal. The Torah doesn't exactly change that feeling completely, while it moderates it in some odd way, but it still creates more disparity than unity.

So as I was walking yesterday, I remembered this and thought about briefly defining the effects...

Torah: Humans are fundamentally bad and think they were great. (Emphasis on divine concession)

Gita: Humans think they're bad but are fundamentally great. (Emphasis on divine origin)

I still have to finish the Torah before moving on to the next major scriptures, but thus far this presents already a staggering opposition. Whether I read it right, or what ever the reasons were, these present the effects they had on me.

It's been a brief sketch today, was on my mind.

Daily Sketch No.2

I've decided to post my Daily Philosophy Sketches on my blog here, too, skipping No.1, as it was mostly just an introduction.

Today I wake up deprived of words, forcing myself a little bit to begin what I've started with these daily sketches. So instead of just writing something that is less of a light, but merely a lit page of memorized thought, I decided to channel a bit with making a quick painting. That's the above. And it feels just as deprived to me as my engine of thought. It wanted to come out, though, so I might as well let it.

Solomon, to me, represents a very depressed being. On mornings such as this, I have his line echo through my mind; "There's nothing new under the sun". And I remember the context and his conclusion, which reflects so great the concept of wisdom and that it alone does not give answers. Wisdom is the way we deal with the state of our current capacity and its content. What have we processed, what have we learned, when do we surrender to project sincerely our present best and when does pride and vanity carve out the weight of our revelations. Solomon had concluded that the only reliable thing to do in order to stay on "the right" path was to obey the commandments, since one alone can't fathom the whole concept around existence to figure out the ideal behavior by oneself. (Ecclestiastes 12.13 "The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God, and keep his commandments; for that is the whole duty of everyone. For God will bring every deed into judgement, including every secret thing, whether good or evil.")

My first thought was; Pah! And that's to be considered wise? Why, yes, it is. It's not so much about the content of it, but about the sincerity to have come to no better conclusion. It still was the best or only guaranteed to be useful awareness he ended up having to share.

I personally dislike submitting to what could and was to be turned into dogma, victimize those, who desire to function well, what ever the motivation. I would consider it a human's duty to truly contemplate about dogma, seek the actual meaning before taking possession of its words and entitlement by equally misunderstood rules.

The highest reward does neither come in earthly possessions nor in any form of status, power or respect. The highest reward comes in a deep sense of liberating humility and a keen sense to actively participate in life in the best way we can apply ourselves. All the laws, commandments and ordinances, they are meant to help us figure out how to navigate through our brief appearance as our generation, save us the trouble of piling up more mistakes than we could hope to redeem before our shadow gives way again. They are no rules or prohibitions, no laws by which men shall punish men. They are the kick-start into our duties in life so that we quickly figure out to follow the imperative of love and help others to do the same instead of interfering and blocking the power of faith we should have in each other and as such in service of the Most High.

Why explain what we are made for, where this all goes to and how it is a waste of time to rebel and serves nothing good or useful neither for ourselves or the devil that asks for it, haha.

There are many dualities observable in all aspects of existence, the composition of our universe. But the greatest one is not between "good and evil", but between "ideal and strive".

I wish us all a useful and enjoyable day.