Saturday, April 07, 2012

Daily Sketch No.26

A Moment Inside a Lucid Dream

As if I had turned into a thin membrane around a million bodies, floating in the waters of life. Substance without substance, nothing but image, nothing but an illusion that is meant for something, but meaningless by itself. This feeling of being damned, if we knew what we were. And I saw myself, floating in the center. I don't know whether I was laughing or screaming, but my body looked at me, living, but scared or sad or in some kind of despair. It was a little bit as if I was asked to know all this, but should not spend more time in this vision. And then, more and more, I felt that this membrane that I was, it was all of us, and that something must constantly convince us to accept those bodies. "Don't see this! Don't linger! For if you do, you surely will not have these lives". I've felt this being told to me without words, just given as a warning from somewhere around it all, besides us. Maybe it was angelic, I don't know, but it was not the Highest, the Creator directly. And this vision was stopped and a sexual moment replaced it, a moment of desire, almost like someone changed the channel real quick to something that rooted in our material realm so strongly, that it would be enjoyable, desirable to let go of the universal experience, but maintain the lucidity to make it all the more exciting. I can't exactly complain, really, haha.

Anyway, I'm sure I'm not the first to think or realize this, but I believe the world is getting coerced into being more complicated in its physical on-goings so that it becomes even harder for us to rise outside of this limiting state of being "alive" in this material realm. It becomes ever so much more ridiculous, because something big is about to hit, a tremendous revelation. And it is unclear, whether it will cease this world altogether, have us let go and ascend in some regards, or whether it will destroy all control and a horrifying form of anarchy will break lose, because too many powerful people cannot handle the sudden understanding of what we are. I think, in this form, the human form, we are asked to accept our time and fulfill our assignment, even if its divine formulation is suffocated in our declining belief, suppressed to prevent us from our increasing potential to reach such clarity to receive the full truth that dissolves the universe completely.

When I think about all this, I again find myself asking to be told what's beyond all this, what our true mission is really for, I mean the final result of the finite universe. I humbly submit to the Infinite out of my free will, not out of fear or arrogance or any purpose other than the wish to unite and offer all my faculties to participate consciously. But I think, in some regards this had been Adam's fault. Hmmmm.... I'd so want to bite into that apple for that very reason, but it's not what's been asked of us. Damn it. We are asked nothing that we don't or couldn't already know. But the confusion that comes with today's contrived entanglement makes it increasingly harder for us to tell what we're supposed to do inside this world. Are we really meant to kill each other, use each other, despise each other, despise ourselves, gorge, masturbate, defile, disrespect, poison, envy, ignore, surrender to the worst of ours?

All the things that give us pleasure, our ability to experience physical pleasure, they are literally meant to corrupt us, not necessarily in a negative way, but to make us want to stay on earth, in life. There's a balance that has to be kept, so that it doesn't lead to our self-destruction, but this balance is very fragile. I think there's a group out there that knows all this all too well. I can't ask our Creator, or even an angel for that matter, but I'd love to be able to ask those of us, who know, and if it was conceivable to you, I'd want to be of service. At least I think so every now and then, because I still don't know which way the wisdom leads us.

Daily Sketch No.25

A fun little meditational exercise: Standing or hovering above this pedestal is an object of your imagination. Keep this object there for a while. Form it, observe it, even consider touching it.

Is it just a form, is it made of stone or wood, ice or pudding, grew that way, crystalized, or is it even alive?

Hold it for a few minutes, if you can. Just even looking at it comfortably should already do the trick.

Eventually you can lift it off the pedestal and take it with you, just look at it where ever you are and do that everyday for a few minutes. It may even evolve, change, melt, erode or not, but in its essence it stays what or who it is through it all.

After you've done this for a while consistently, we can continue to the next level together.

I just realized that I've been doing this for almost three decades now without ever realizing it. It just suddenly dawned on me that I made this very exercise a pivotal aspect of my profession. But I never consciously associated it with a spiritual path of exploration, all the while that is the very thing that kept brewing in the back of my mind until it so powerfully erupted out of me in the last few years.

Anyway, I hope you will find this exercise inspiring and consider joining this little game. Some of you may have done this already or know this from elsewhere, because it is a training method for concentration and a preparation for deep meditation. A skill of the mind that benefits from exercise just as the body from a good workout. I figured this little pedestal is a neat little anchor to get started.

Monday, April 02, 2012

Daily Sketch No.23

Our world/Their world (?!)

Who is anyone to tell somebody else what clouds are meant to look like, trees , mountains or the whole of existence. Who's everyone, daring to oppose it and seemingly denying that, which threatens the condition he had managed to accept.

I often wondered, if it is not all of us, who have some profound revelations at around age 14-17, which put all the offered views of the world into question and when we somehow sense that there's another component we don't easily hear about. But then school kicks into high gear and our focus is forced away from all that, pushed into submitting to the offered paradigms, getting disciplined and conditioned to be integrated into this society. And kids become people, convinced that their sacrifice has to amount to something, so they keep biting through this offered cake of life, often more the fruitcake variety, and rejoice for what ever raisin or chocolate chip they come across, hoping to find more as they dig deeper into it.

Now you come along, you somehow had the frame of mind to chew your way upward or outward to the crust of the cake and popped your head out to realize that there's a giant menu of stuff all around you and that the actual dinner is far more nutritious and tasty looking than that cake. And from the top of your lungs you try yelling into the dough, hoping somebody would hear you and not even considering the possibility that they would not believe you. And when those people hear you, they hear some muffled mambo jumbo about healthy food and tasty veggies and all that strange stuff that would just taste horrible inside the cake. So they turn away and keep chewing, entertained enough by the variety of dried up sweets and willing enough to get through the bland crumbs.

Now, I doubt that we get our hands on the baker, but we might as well just celebrate with each one, who pops out of the cake to take part in the real feast. Sure, we'll have to do the dishes, too, and might even have to do some cooking of our own, but- wow- what a treat we're having altogether.

Bon Appetite.

I'm just having some fun with the tree of life, using sculptris, photoshop and canvarion. I realize that it's not the most inspired work and I've been quite sloppy about it, as it is a bit off of the beaten path, but it's still kinda pretty, I thought. No idea, if it was just my ignorance forming it that way, or if through it something else just spoke, but there it is...

One of my favorite things out of the Zohar thus far is the suggestion that any carefully derived interpretation of the Torah will ascent immediately to Kether, to God, and will be filed as another aspect of the Truth. Of all the things one might want to say about seemingly dogmatic religion, the Hebrew kept a stunningly open path and humility in regards to their scripture. Only sincere care to understand the meanings contained within ancient texts can reveal the true power of theirs and has them contribute to a greater understanding, which also greatly manifests in respect. And if there's anything provocative I could say about the Torah, it would be my claim for it to be anti-dogmatic.

Daily Sketch No.21

Today I've made a little sculpture for you, using Sculptris. It's been a while since I've done a 3d sketch last, but I was in the mood for it, so there you have it. Naturally, Some of you may rightfully think that I've done this one for myself, but I would've stopped at the torso, as I was just curious about the shoulder area of a cat, but then I though, hmmmm.... so far I've made only 2d doodles since I'm here, why not finish up a 3d doodle for a change.

Today's topic was a back and forth in my head between Resonance and Kaballah, but I couldn't decide what to think about and eventually ceased thinking much at all. But just to make note of the start of today...

On Resonance...

Re-Sonance is in some regards the reflection or repetition of a sound (sona) or vibration. The nature of the resonating body picks up certain frequencies, when stimulated, and continues them as well as it then is self-stimulated and continues swinging, usually with some decay so that it does not swing infinitely, which would represent a so called self-resonance and ordinarily drives upward toward and explosion, rather than staying steady or decaying. This term could find good use in an analogy to perception of ideas. Some ideas resonate with us, because to some degree we had them already or at least parts of them, so those will resonate with us, continue swinging. Around the exact frequency, then, swings a portion of the alteration or addition to it and we receive an expansion of our prior ideas, if we allow them to come along. This depends on the amount of filtration we find in our character. It does not matter whether you're spiritually inclined, fanatic or blind to it altogether, the strength of this filter is independent from your interest, but describes your attitude. And once the filter is too tight, barely any other idea has a chance to come through, regardless how much the resonance might've been stimulated.

On Kaballah...

The Sepher Yetzirah mentions as part of the process of creation that God or the Divine Origin had the Hebrew AlephBet (alphabet) as basic building blocks for the universe. In fact, that's what the whole thing is about. And as part of the procedure, God was combining each letter with each letter, and arrives at a rather arbitrary appearing number of combinations, but that's not the point. It reminded me of the process of using knowledge or dealing with understanding for that matter. I felt that this hints at the necessity to never crystallize or freeze understanding into knowledge, but instead with every new entry of understanding or knowledge to combine and reevaluate former understandings in order to revive them and turn them into active components of our thinking. If we were to do this consistently, we would refine and enrich our wisdom efficiently at all times. ...was just a thought.

Daily Sketch No.20


Everything we say and everything we consider to communicate is quantized. And unless we manage to consciously perceive the analogue nature of existence, we even perceive and imagine it as quantized. At this point we are locked into our set of averages into which we translate our experiences and with which we define ourselves, everyone and everything else. And it is by this phenomenon that we stumble upon misunderstandings, coarsely different opinions, frustration and possibly even depression. I believe that this is how our mind manifests itself, or how its interpretive process corrupts the subtleties of our souls true contribution of consciousness.

Think of it in terms of associated volumes or sizes, like an elephant and a room. We are taught to associate a heavy and big animal, up to a hundred times our own weight, gray skin, big ears and a trunk with the word "Elephant". We associate the word "Room" with a space that fits maybe around 10 people comfortably. The moment we put an elephant into the room in our mind, the room slightly increases in size to even imagine the situation and the provoked analogy becomes quite clear; it's impossible for anyone in the room not to notice the elephant. If we were taught that an elephant is a tiny creature about the size of a flee... well, no need to go on. The word room, however, is a contextual quantization, because it may mean the architectural feature of a room or it could be the generic description of open space, relative to its enclosure; i.e. there's still "room" in the drawer.

Thus, although there are many ways in which we can alter the quantization of a subject in order to communicate our thoughts, they remain as such; a more or less defined quantum in hopes to act as useful medium to bring across our ideas. And unless we transform such a delivered information back into an analogous form, which still holds the desired understanding that was meant to be transferred, we may continue to keep quantizing the quantized until only big gray blocks of gibberish remain and nothing makes any real sense anymore, or the basis of its meaning is completely lost.

I know, I know, this is a bit dry of a topic and not necessarily easy to understand, because its reaches are tremendous and my delivery is not. However, I think if we start to recognize this problem, it might help to solve misunderstandings amongst ourselves as well as improving our internal process of understanding.

The ultimate truth is not quantized in ways we are accustomed to understand, but may finds its definition within vibrational properties, peaks and valleys, interferences, loops, intersections, who knows, but it brings forth us in every single moment and composes boundaries by which we identify the elements of our reality and are enabled to communicate. It therefore is not a flaw, but a trait, and just like that we should always recognize each other as a trait and not as a flaw, even if the square minds of some won't fit into the mosaic of others.

That reminds me of one other thought I had this morning in regards to Art. What if the revelation about a problem long gone becomes a piece of art for those who have forgotten.

Daily Sketch No.19

Of flesh and spirit...

The corrupted connection between body and soul permits the mind to become a parasite of the flesh. Once the mind is of such character it blocks not just the soul, but the spirit, which joins the stream from the metaphysical realm into the body's physicality. Such mind then prevents the person associated with it from discovering its own societal function, which further pushes this merely instrumental part called intellect into a destructive state, which always becomes wholesomely destructive, whether obviously against others, or obviously against the self, it always results in the destruction of both, which thereby reveals all to be as One to begin with.

From a spiritual point of view life and its physical manifestations are rather viewed as a whole, of essential integrity, a complete picture, even if ever evolving. But once flesh is perceived by the physical eye, by the senses, almost no context makes it look appealing as long as it is not infused with spiritual qualities. Dead meat is unpleasant to us, even if most chose to eat it while it's fresh and ready to be cooked. I think this is quite fascinating, considering that what most people cling to they ultimately find disgusting, when viewed in part, but no matter how hard you'd try to dissect the spirit, not only does any part ever really feel disconnected to the whole, but each part has a certain kind of beauty, whether we'd try to visualize it or if we just marveled intellectually at its properties.

Those are just random thoughts, inspired by my little doodle up there, which- as per usual- just sort of manifested itself after I saw a human heart being dissected.

Daily Sketch No.18

The Great Cocoon

Something starts and ends and in between it is and was and will be after it became and before it was no more; the cocoon within which we know Now and outside which Now knows us. And in billion ways we may appear and billion ways appear within us. It makes us known and we make it known, but neither do we know its ways nor which way we appear again, not before and not after and barely in between.

The silk of which our time is woven, carefully it makes a skin so thick that all we sense with all the senses, fashioned by its wondrous milk see, feel, taste and touch the boundary of which we hear as we share amongst each other through the membranes of our fruit of life the tumbling turns through strings of meaning far beyond our faintest grasp. Yet, caught between our legs and thighs the well of silk keeps weaving life to thrive and conquer a becoming, larger, fuller, fine and stunning, cunning, wiser, filled with ever brighter fire, seeing more and breaking open gates to Nows we'll only know after our repeated blooming right until the day we'll never die again.

And from inside the ball of string a being joins a being still, releasing all it's hungry toil into a new and silky ball that forms again a realm of joy and pain and wish and wonder, strive and thrive and lust and ponder, dance and run and limp and linger, cry and laugh and scream and whisper whispers of the Great Cocoon, the universe, the harvest, school, the friend and lover, dinner dates, the latest news and newest trends and what's inside the tasty drink, how was your day, are you ok, technology, a circus and a healthy pet, yoga, jobs, transportation, foot massage, furniture, vacation, hair color, religion, sports, architecture, revelations, advice, recipes, shows, gadgets, language, knots, aches, arts, families,........ ..... ... .. . . .

Daily Sketch No.17

How do we decide between chaos and order. If we rise high above it all, where can we find peace, orientation and belonging. Maybe, when we get to see it all, we cannot even recognize where we belong anymore? Maybe we have to consider, that all we are meant to deal with is directly in front of us at eye-level. Maybe we have to accept the boundaries of our imagination as our realm of operation. For some this may seem boundless, for others it may be very clearly defined. Neither of them are to regarded as different qualities, or hierarchical privilege, but simply as realms of duty. And regardless of how massive the field of comfort and vision may appear or how narrow it presents itself, we may see it all, yet we operate on the speck that we occupy at any given moment. And it behooves us to focus on this spec, drawing from all that we can sense, but paying attention and the greatest respect to the spec of Now that we have to deal with. The pressure on this spec sometimes can threaten to explode us into the rest of our awareness and we tumble through it, losing sight of the piece of ground we stand upon. Maybe we get even sucked into even higher planes where we then see this bewildering truth, the grand scheme that goes so far beyond what we can conceive as order or any hope of aiding a process within all this that could ever make it into some sensible structure. This is when we should find peace in what we are and what is given to us and deal with it with the appropriate amount of gratitude, finding an understanding that leads us to the kind of joy we receive for having dealt properly with our conscious contribution to the level of the whole that we can still sort out. And with appropriate amount of faith in its purpose for something beyond our comprehension.

Daily Sketch No.16

A simple image to meditate over...

Daily Sketch No.15

...perfect as it is...

It's quite easy, isn't it? "Life- right now- is perfect as it is." What a statement. And it is right, it really is perfect as it is right now. But that does not mean we freeze this moment or become content with what ever led up to now. It means that we recognize that there was obviously nothing else we could've done until now for it to become now, but it also means that the very next second everything will be different. And it depends on us whether we recognize that it requires our actions to be better and it will be our actions when it gets worse. Our wisdom helps us to interpret reality until and including now and offers a decision on how we respond to shape the creation of the next moment.

Fatalism, which is part of my very own perspective, suggests that Now is a thing of an unalterable past, the definition of ourselves up until we care to perceive it again and how ever flawed, weak, brilliant or strong we may be, it used to be our best. But does it give us reason to rest, reason to ignore that we design the change of our definition with every waking moment?

It requires time and practice to really find a feeling, an understanding on how we optimize ourselves more and more. I don't think we are supposed to fight against who we are, but pick out our potential from the rubble of Now and carry it to the next level piece by piece.

After all, only because we can recognize ourselves, become self-aware and are enabled to compare us to others "like" us, we are not the wreck we may perceive in the mirror, but a marvelous creation with the very purpose to become the best we can be. And what we can be is not defined in others, not even in the mirror. It is in the Self that we can't perceive with our five senses, because they are not for us. Those senses are for the curious manifestations around us, the material world, which is the framework upon which we link to each other in this magnificent universe. But our true Self merely receives the interpretation of reality and is not the interpreter. Our true Self is offered to interact with reality as a force from within that is meant to contribute. To imitate is the process of learning found within a child. When we mature we are meant to understand those imitations and draw from them what we need to become the source of imitation, not to perpetuate the passivity of it.

This way we can recognize truly that the very next moment will be perfect as it is with what we decide to do for it. Then all others can receive this very same understanding, too.

Mystery of the Three Mothers - sketch

After having made the little Sanskrit numbers clip I thought about doing one for Hebrew. A brief exploration into Kaballah motivated me immediately to meditate over the so-called "Three Mothers"; Aleph, Mem and Shin. There letters are said to be the basic forces that form the fundamental building-blocks of our finite universe.

Aleph - Air - Breath of Hashem (God)

Mem - Water - Water from Breath - Cyclic principle of transformation (action into matter/energy and back)

Shin - Fire - Fire from Water - receive action within Water, transform into foundational substance and release back into the cycle of Water.

I hope it's accurate enough or informative without making some false assumptions. But, please, by all means, let me know, if you find something objectionable or plain wrong in it. I literally know next to nothing and just try to sense my way into it. But it felt already profound enough for me to approach it.

Firm Grasp...

A Firm Grasp on Reality?

I really can't know how it is for you out there, but it's damn hard for me sometimes to find a way of marrying spirituality with society when I empathize with people, who are so deeply entangled with what they accept as reality. When I do that, I feel the numbness, the cold water outside of the heated normality, the loss of navigation, if the anchor was lifted and the societal system was truly recognized for what it is. When we would dare to surrender our dreadfully heavy self-importance. Because, really, who out there- or rather in there- sees the greater good as something that comes after them, that would not include them right away? When most people think about "The Greater Good" they see themselves as reaping the benefits of it directly, not like they'd be ready to martyr even only their distorted lifestyles for it. Fear and false sense of comfort binds them to the misguided servitude they've accepted as requirement to be permitted an existence on earth. And even I am afraid to do a leap out of it any farther than I have already leaped, as much as it is for selfish reasons it is also for the fear that it would be futile at this point, rather like a surrendering or otherwise self-destructive. Do I honestly believe that my work, my inclinations, my ideas for the future and attempt to prepare for some impacting contribution to the mind-soul connection of humans globally has any chance or even justification to permit me such hubris as me continuing to maintain an involved lifestyle and making claims that it was necessary for the greater good? Hahahaha. Ok, well, I never said I was any better, but I can promise you, I'm trying to make sense of it all and sincerely work on finding a useful, even powerful understanding which may help at least add to the global effort of waking up, snapping out of the bizarre madness we're perpetuating.

All the scriptures say it, all the wisdom confirms it, all the spirituality screams and whispers it, that we are servants, not just directly for the Origin that gave us existence and purpose, but also servants to each other so that we do function together. In every way we are also servants to ourselves, but that means there is no king, neither outside, nor within. So when you declare yourself king or queen of your life, you're already on the blind path into misguided servitude, because it is reality that you cannot be that, but in order to simulate this state, you'd be ready to sacrifice all reason to buy yourself this impression, if only for a few moments a day, or per week, or some however frequent time a year. You become a slave to your own virtual royalty. Snap out of it and be a grateful, righteous servant, who's countless rewards are presented through your soul and will control and heal your entire body, which includes the mind, again and again, regardless as to what life throws at you. To be a servant is not a class issue amongst humans. It's a class issue within the universe and one that is looked at as the most important class during the process of becoming.

But all this is lofty talk, isn't it. We need practical examples, right? Something that shows what this could mean to us right now in our current situation and what would that mean to our children? Who are we dealing with, when we fail to submit to the current paradigm? Where and what is that Firm Grasp that could pull the wisdom into our now beyond some virtual comfort of imagining pretty things, whilst sitting on our couches or yoga mattes, or 3 feet high bed or shaggy carpet or beanbag or office chair or some ikea thing of sorts. Who's gonna go barefoot out to the grass, shivering for a few hours to watch the stars and feel at home where you'd be at right then. Who can marry all this great wisdom with his own spirit and turn it into the means of the own life. Ah, it's tiring. I'm sorry, forgive me.

I'm writing all of this, because I think you are the kind of people, the kind of souls, who care about these things with me. I somehow expect that you'd also have frequently moments in which it frustrates you to find the severity of your understanding about something beyond human normality lost and inaccessible to the mindset that tries to deal with everyday troubles, money, jobs, food, health system, insurance scams, well, all those scams and how people are wedged into this shit (sorry), not even ready to assume that there was no REAL reason to ever put up with all that. They laugh in your face, think that you're a bit loony, really. "Yeeees, yeees, god, right? Spirituaaaality, uhuuuuh. Well, if it can squish out a paddy between my buns and hand me a beer, too, then I might just allow it into the garden, but it outta stay outside, though." or "That doesn't give you a degree you could use out there, does it? Or do you want to become a priest or monk of sorts?".

No matter how we think about it, to most people spirituality appears to be a sort of hobby. Something to calm your nerves without having to waste money on pills or to counter character flaws, haha, or something of that kind. It's not much more than another manifestation of the indoctrinated self-importance with maybe a twist. Or that's how it is being perceived by those, who are not been given a handle, a viable access to this level outside their perfectly predefined life. In that state, they are lacking a Firm Grasp, but at the end it us, who'll have to find it; The Bridge that makes sense of it all to the real little fragment of it people believe to perceive as "Now".

So, now I'm done venting, ranting and weeping (I guess). But I'm not, because I didn't even get to discuss what I was gonna talk about, hahaha. Darned.


Wow, that's a bold question, isn't it? Can we have a serious discussion about what's real and what's not? Scientifically encounter the borders of academical understanding of reality and academical speculation on purpose or origin for life and mankind in it. "Normal" people save themselves into believing that they've been told all the reliable answers they'd need to know to carry on. How are we going to teach them otherwise? Do we really "Know" otherwise? Can we in some scientific or logical way explore and present the full scope of reality that should somewhat shatter their comfort? Oh, believe me, I absolutely want to and am right now dedicating myself to exactly that. And I dearly hope we can do this all together. This will not be about some fancy phrases and pretty words, poetry and dreamy doodle of the happy place. No skips, no leaps, a connected line from the limited standard view of life to the reason beyond its borders. And I'm afraid it will take many years. Maybe we just get it started again, or maybe it is just me, who's joining in to this ongoing process I'm unaware of, but "Here I Am". :o)